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[review of the director’s cut]

There’s flashes of a serviceable horror film, and I like the poster for this, but goddamn is this thing a dull and lifeless slog for most of the runtime. That intro felt like it lasted forever. There’s so much filler happening, and the film isn’t even very wintery despite the title. It’s maybe late autumn at best.

The final 10 minutes are dumb and trashy along with the Crazy Annie segment, but it’s very unhelpful when there’s a lack of any real interest or likable characters for the most part. The teaser trailer makes this movie a whole lot better than it actually is.

I wish I hadn’t watched this one on Christmas Eve, but it is what it is. I’m glad the full version is saved and preserved, but I can’t honestly say this is some unearthed gem by any means. At least it was fun to laugh at with family when it wasn’t completely boring.

Watched on Tuesday December 24, 2024.

Thankfully this holds up just as well watched from home (with a nice headset!) as it did in theatres. Still has some minor flaws I talked about in my previous review, but it by no means outweighs all the good in this movie whatsoever. It’s still never once gets loses its unsettling grasp on me and is genuinely creepy in a way most horror movies, especially modern ones, aren't usually able to achieve. What an incredible sound design this has.

Longlegs is a subliminal movie that gazes into the subconscious rather than looking outward. Maika Monroe’s disconnected performance works much better for me than it did for my first viewing upon this realization. It’s also now come Lee is such an autistic coded character without making a big deal of it or coming off like a crude caricature, which I also appreciate. 

As a sidenote, I would kill for a grindhouse version of this. Someone please get a 35mm print of this and let it age and scratch just enough to give this an even stronger long forgotten film vibe once it’s scanned.

Watched on Saturday December 21, 2024.

Glad to have rewatched this after nearly 6 years. Thankfully, it isn’t nostalgic blinding me. This movie, albeit imperfect, is genuinely as creepy, yet oddly familiar as I it. It truly feels like Osgood Perkins’s spiritual predecessor to Longlegs. It’s more obvious than ever that this was a stepping stone to that film, down to even their depictions of the devil and their truly metal and unnerving invocations to Satan. 

But I hadn’t noticed so much until now is the loneliness to this movie. There’s a deep isolation to everything, which only makes even more sense when it’s set in a catholic school. Everything is so cold, you can feel it practically freezing your skin. It’s a perfect watch for winter. It all plays out like a forgotten memory, and it makes the movie all the more special to me. 

Still such an effective slowburn back when A24 horror films felt more original and straight from the heart rather than most of their new cookie cutter “elevated” horror films where themes of grief, mental illness, and trauma merely feel like rudimentary requirements for marketing purposes. 

Also, as a sidenote, I wish the soundtrack included Kiernan Shipka’s performance of “In The Garden.” She has an incredibly beautiful singing voice and it’s a shame we can’t listen to an uninterrupted version of it.

By all means a well made movie and great if you want to watch a pretty twisted Christmas movie. It’s well directed, well filmed, well acted, and has a fair amount of suspense and startling violence and brutality.

What my problem is that the movie is far too long. There is simply not enough story to justify its 109 minute length, and this movie would’ve been a whole lot better if it was trimmed down by 15 to 20 minutes.

It’s a shame, because despite the movie having some pretty brutal moments, it also felt fairly boring in some places. It does ultimately make up for it, especially by the truly nasty final 10 minutes, but I’m left thinking that this movie could’ve been much better.

This review may contain spoilers.

Not to much to remark on here. This is essentially a slightly inferior remake of Last House on the Left.

But despite some occasional surreal lighting choices, atmosphere, truly nasty sequences (especially that knife scene!), and some very repugnant villains, this movie is held down by poor pacing, paper thin characters, and some bad dubbing.

Also the revenge portion is left a bit unsatisfying as one of the perpetrators fails to get what’s coming to her. Not a terrible film by any means, but not one I plan to rewatch anytime soon.

Nothing particularly original about this, but it does its job well. Effectively made little slow burn grindhouse film with some occasional artistic pretenses and some strong violence, satisfying revenge, and some lovely blood squibs.

Nothing too memorable, but it’s certainly good enough for what it is. I doubt I will watch this again anytime soon, but this is a decent little movie and is a good choice for a casual watch.

Not too much thoughts on this one. 

Slightly entertaining cheap namsploitation exposition scene proceeded by a completely fucking boring and horribly acted beginning/middle section, and some trashy hippiesploitation madness by the final section.

The last act saves this movie from being a complete waste, and is the reason this is getting a 3/5. It’s really dumb and silly but the carnage, chaos, crazy hippies, and goofy acting is genuinely fun to watch. 

It’s a shame the rest of the movie wasn’t as fun, though. Also, I can definitely tell why Sam Raimi stuck to directing after seeing him act in this.

This was a massive letdown. I will give the film some credit. There are flashes of a good movie. Some nice atmosphere, visuals, and cinematography do occur at times. There is also some decent action scenes and some fairly hard-hitting violence, though those moments are few and far in-between. And definitely not enough for this to feel even close to a grindhouse film like some reviews were claiming.

What we get instead is an amalgamation of incredibly awkward acting and writing. I am convinced that this film’s screenplay was written by AI at some points. Some of the lines were truly off-putting, and the acting felt incredibly robotic in a way that can mainly be blamed on this film’s terrible direction. 

And when it didn’t feel artificial, it was incredibly ham fisted. It was difficult to take the movie seriously when it tried so hard to slap you across the face to let you know that you’re dealing with white supremacists with no attempts at subtlety. From a burning cross, to a child randomly doing a Hitler salute for no reason,… I’m sorry. I could not take it seriously. Maybe it’s just hard for me to take racism seriously in general, but it all ended up being quite unintentionally funny. 

And don’t even get me started on a moment in this when one of the cops over-dramatically tears up upon glancing at a racist whiteboard. Bitch, you are a fucking cop. Quit those crocodile tears and do your goddamn job, you useless pig. 

Don’t even get me started on the police characters. If this film is trying to be some sort of pro-big-government copapaganda piece, it most certainly failed. The police officers in this movie are incredibly foolish, sometimes violent, and consistently incompetent throughout, and they often just make things worse. I mean, don’t get me wrong, that’s pretty accurate as far as portrayals of police go, but who am I supposed to be rooting for here?

If anything, the white supremacists are far more organized and smart, unlike the feds. If they can be given any credit, at least they know what they’re doing. This film is doing something very wrong when they’re being shown, intentionally or not, as more competent and collected. 

The whole thing is incredibly tedious, frustrating, and unintentionally laughable all at the same time. You're left feeling incredibly unsatisfied by the end. There’s no real satisfaction, just some really stupid symbolism involving our main copper trying to shoot a deer. 

And before the credits play, the film make sure to let you know the real reason behind the creation of this film; a fearmongering political piece for the election season. It’s genuinely laughable to think that most of the January 6 rioters were largely inspired by The Turner Diaries.

It’s also inaccurate to state that book was made as a layout to overthrow the government. The book was mainly written as a so-called prophecy, and the only thing this movie did was inspire National Vanguard to use this film as a way to recruit while this played in theaters. Which is not a great thing, and is only a testament to the monumental failure that is The Order.

Official rating: 4.25/5

Jesus fucking Christ. What a movie. Error_4444 rules for releasing this.

It may not be one of the best CAT III films out there, but it may be one of the most genuinely nasty ones I’ve seen thus far. When I thought I had seen it all, this film hits me upside the face.

It’s a bit uneven tonally. It switches from some nasty and vile exploitation to something strangely sweethearted - to some truly bafflingly tasteless comedy. And the weirdly sweeter scenes only make what’s to come all the more upsetting.

And then the film just gets darker and more cruel with some moments that are genuinely hard to watch. Then when the truly insane and violent final act comes around, this leaves you with an ending that’s almost guaranteed to leave your jaw dropping. 

I would go more into this movie, but I think I might leave that for another time. There’s a ton to say, but this film has left me nearly speechless and it’s hard to even process what I saw. I’m definitely going to have to rewatch this at some point.

This is definitely how I imagined this in-name-only sequel was going to be; inferior but okay. Not to mention wasted potential.

Takes a while to get going and mainly focuses on being more of a slightly uninteresting and not very sexy sexploitation film with a couple of chuckles to be had. It takes too long to get to the depravity and violence one wants in a CAT III flick, and the story is fairly predictable. The second half of the film is fun, but it felt subdued and I wish it had went further.

Also, it doesn't help our main character is such a pathetic loser either. He's so much of a wimp that I ended up siding with the sadistic femme fatale villain instead. Also she's pretty fun to watch when she goes full psycho, so that helps too. Makes me wish the film had just focused on her character and went a lot harder on the torture and violence/gore throughout.

Highly suggest you check this one out! Despite having a misleading title (there is no city to speak of), this is a wonderful old film that makes an excellent double feature with Black Sunday. 

And this may be a bit of a hot take, but I have to say I like this film even more than Black Sunday. While it isn’t quite as grisly for its time, the witchy and spooky vibes in this one is even more impeccable, not to mention a much more spellbinding soundtrack. I found it to be so endearing throughout, and I love all the fog and the supernatural mystery to all of this.

The plot isn’t even the particularly original, but the execution is outstanding. I was hooked throughout the movie, and loved all the devilish black and white charms to be had. Plus, with the runtime only being 78 minutes, there’s not a moment wasted without ruining the atmosphere.

The second half of the film does lull a bit due to the plot becoming a little bit repetitive. Even then, however, it didn’t hurt the experience too badly. And thankfully, the film truly saves itself with a visually stunning and hard as fuck final 10 minutes that makes everything worthwhile.

This was a very pleasant surprise to behold! Unfortunately, nothing in the movie manages to peak the unexpectedly grisly and visually stunning opening scene, but it does get very close.

What we do get, nevertheless, is a well paced, atmospheric witchy folk horror tale filled with so much gorgeous gothic black and white imagery. 
It does sadly succumb to some cliches that you would expect from an older film like this, but it makes up for it with very some moments that are very gnarly and eerie for its time.

All the same, this is the perfect film for the spooky season and so many frames of it would make some wonderful metal album covers. Recommended!

It’s a shame I didn’t like this one more, I really wanted to love this. It certainly has some great standout moments and some nice dreamy vibes/colorful cinematography, but it’s so needlessly drawn out in a lot of scenes.

It felt quite dull in many parts despite having some nice creativity and what felt like a decent setup. Unfortunately, it just starts to fizzle out the more it drags out. What really doesn’t help, however, is the constantly foolish decisions the main character makes that only further removes tension. 

And when the finale arrives, the film had pretty much lost me already, and the amazingly grotesque practical effects on display just weren’t as impactful as it could’ve been. It’s all a shame since there is things to like about this movie, but I just felt let down by the end. This should’ve had a better script, and perhaps given to Lucio Fulci or Dario Argento.

This review may contain spoilers.

Official rating: 3.75/5

Love the witchy autumn and rural small town vibes in this. Despite some flawed editing, it’s an excellent slow burn that accurately portrays certain toxic small town behavior with its insecure, sometimes violent men and superstitious based prejudice. 

My main issue comes with the climax. Despite some nice b-movie gore at the ending, it didn’t feel like the revenge was visceral enough for my tastes. The first two guys die pretty quickly, which just isn’t very satisfying. And beyond that, the resolution is incredibly rushed. You barely get a conclusion to the main character or Donald Pleasance’s character. 

I’m suspecting a combination of having a very limited time for Donald to be on set and a general rushed script. I would’ve loved to have known more of what happens to them than what we get, but it is what it is. I still very much enjoyed this and it makes an excellent film to watch in November.

Official rating: 4.25/5

So happy we get to see the fully uncut, and beautifully restored, version of this, thanks to the wonderful people at Subkultur. 

Despite some screenplay flaws and being only very, very loosely based on a true story, this is lean, mean, sleazy, pulpy, and violent as hell crime thriller in a way only a 70s exploitation film can deliver. Love its grittiness, dangerous stunts, blood squibs, and some unexpectedly striking moments of brutality too. 

Despite the obvious government enforced censorship, you can tell the movie had much more to say than just a measly “crime bad!” message. In fact, despite our main characters being objectively bad people, you can’t help but root for them with their antiestablishment motivations. They’re stuck in a society that doesn’t care and an economy that will always leave them bogged down, and they’re angry and want to escape it. 

Also, I find it deliciously ironic that Napoleon Bonaparte used as a quote for why crime is bad at the end. And that’s not to mention that the original theatrical version erases a poignant and sadly all too relevant scene talking about how futile the system is. It’s very telling, intentionally or not

Highly recommended and a breath of fresh air compared to the previous German crime film I watched. Need to see this again, I may write this higher upon a rewatch.

There’s an irable amount of grit, grime, nihilism, and voyeuristic 70s cinematography in this, but it didn’t really seem to amount to much of anything in the end. I’m sure that’s likely the point, but nothing in this movie really engaged with me in any meaningful way. 

It also doesn’t help that our main character constantly makes foolish decisions that only make his situation worse, making it more difficult for me to have any investment in him. That pedostache he grows later in the movie really doesn’t help his case either. 

What also doesn’t help is that this movie repeates the same song over and over again throughout. That got old and annoying really fast, and it felt a bit lazy. It’s all just a real shame, this could’ve been great.

Kudos to Subkultur’s excellent restoration of this, nevertheless. They did a fantastic job, as always! Just wish I could like the movie itself more.

90 minutes of pure grotesque, feverish, violent, gross, goofy insanity that feels something like an extra crude, live action Ren and Stimpy episode directed by early Peter Jackson. You don’t see movies with this kind of insane physical comedy much anymore sadly.

There’s some bad graphics and some jokes that don’t hit, but for the rest of the ones that hit… they REALLY hit. It gets hilariously mean and unpleasant at times, it’s like this movie was made by avid horror filmmakers trying to make a straight comedy. 

The madness that is this movie culminates in a finale so fucking wild and filled with so much neon green vomit that it would make Nickelodeon blush. I wish we could bring physical comedy like this back.

I’m so happy Vinegar Syndrome introduced me to this. If this sounds up your alley like it is for me, then definitely give this a watch!

I’m having trouble understanding why everyone loves this movie so much. I like Nicolas Cage and he does the best he can and has never looked more consistently filthy in a movie, but this movie just failed to grab me. Perhaps the marketing misled me, but I don’t know.

It has a promising start, don’t get me wrong. But the thing is, we didn’t get to see enough interactions with Nicholas and his cute truffle pig. There should’ve been more time with them together to help me connect with them. But as it is, their interactions are very short lived. 

It felt like the filmmakers were trying too hard to make this quirky rather than having a good story. There’s some good ideas and moments to be had, such as the restaurant scene, but the overall product just left me with a resounding shrug. It wasn’t bad by any means, but I don’t see myself rewatching this anytime soon.

What an absolute trash heap. It’s just the movie Underground Wife mixed in with entirely new footage that does not mesh together well at all. Commence some obnoxiously terrible dubbing, laughable acting, and cheaply made action galore.

This might have been better if this had all the old movie footage removed. It was fun to laugh at with my cousins in all its shitty glory, but I would not recommend this unless you like wasting your time.

Very bland but alright movie. Not terrible, not great, but serviceable. I only saw this because my pals wanted to and it was a great excuse to hang out. 

I like the general atmosphere, especially the nature settings and the homesteading-esque towns where the survivors are at. The characters, especially the father in particular, are likable and easy to root for as well.

I do wish there was more world building and that the creature designs could’ve been better. Also there was some really overdramatic dialogue that should’ve been removed, but whatever. Oh, and don’t get me started on the post credits scene. That should’ve been removed entirely.

I found it ridiculous that this is rated R. It’s very obvious that the filmmakers were trying to go for a PG-13, but I guess the prudes at the MPAA couldn’t handle a few cuss words. So dumb. This would’ve been better if it was made as an R-rated movie. 

But overall, despite this very obviously being a ripoff of a quiet place, this is okay for what it is. I gotta ask though, what is this movie sponsored by Kraft Mac & Cheese?

This is one of the strangest things Chevy Chase has starred in, and it may be the weirdest film that Demi Moore has been in as well - and I love it. It’s like a really strange romp of a fever dream for most of the runtime.

This movie plays out like a PG-13 version of a Rob Zombie horror movie in the best way. So much amazing sets, 90s zaniness, and weirdness that manages to stay mostly non-gory without foregoing the grotesquerie of it all.

Not all of the jokes land perfectly, but this is truly among one of the oddest Hollywood movies out there. I’m not shocked it bombed, but I also wish it hadn’t. I would’ve loved to see what other weird shit Dan Aykroyd had floating around in his head. All in all, is definitely a must see for cult cinema lovers.

Official rating: 3.75/5

What an ambitious little b-movie. For its flaws, I have to appreciate this movie for its efforts. Plus, I’m just a huge sucker on films that involve, or are about deadly TV transmissions, untrustworthy authorities, cults, and evil corporate entities. That’s not to mention films that rightfully dunk on people who are too willingly able to follow whatever the media tells them to. 

Love the silly effects and cheese mixed with the suspense, likable main characters, and small town flair. It does have falter by the final with the effects and pace, sadly. You can definitely see with some of the more lackluster effects that should’ve been much more gnarly, their budget was starting to run low by then. Thankfully, though, it didn’t hurt the experience too badly and was still a satisfying watch, overall.

I personally give this a recommendation for lovers of cult cinema and low budget horror like myself. Bonus points to a certain disclaimer in the credits as well!

Incredibly dorky and kind of crappy, yet still oddly endearing. All the characters are really stupid and flat, most of the acting is terrible, and the movie doesn’t really have a good sense of comedic timing, but it really just adds to the sloppily made stoner feel to this. Love the zombie designs though!

Would’ve been better if it was edited down to 75 minutes and had much more gore, but this movie is a good chuckle for what it is. This is a good movie to play in the background of a party for a good laugh with friends, but don’t expect anything amazing (in a good or bad sense).

Watched on Thursday October 31, 2024.

Official rating: 4.25/5

Listen, if you dislike this merely because this doesn’t have much to do with the rest of the Halloween series, please kindly shut the fuck up.

This movie, although imperfect, is impressive and quite underrated. Although I do are that this should’ve been a standalone movie, I understand why it was it was added to the Halloween series. It’s a shame John Carpenter didn’t get to make Halloween an anthology series like he wanted to, we could’ve seen a lot more films like this. 

This is a wonderfully morbid, ambitious, and atmospheric cosmic analog nightmare with some truly unsettling moments and a truly amazing twist on Halloween horror. I would’ve gotten some crazy nightmares from this if I had seen it as a child. 

I will say I did leave wanting a bit more. I wish there was a bit more development and buildup in the plot. Plus, I wasn’t a huge fan of the forced romantic relationship either, but none of that stopped my enjoyment of this. 

I just might raise my rating of this movie higher upon a rewatch, I have a feeling this film will grow on me. Have a blessed Samhain, everyone!

Although it’s not perfect either and fails to involve a vacation in its plot, this is definitely a major improvement to the first one. The pacing/editing is a lot better, there’s some effort put into the effects (unlike the first one!), and it’s not utterly boring to watch. It plays out like a fun R rated goosebumps movie from Mexico with some pretty enjoyable moments.

I will say that I wish that the film hadn’t had the birthday party abruptly stopped when the demon appeared, only for the main characters to return the location where the demon is at night. Not only does it make so many of the characters decisions inherently stupid, but it also lowers the stakes, since the monster now has way less potential victims. 

That’s not to mention that this film has one of the most incredibly stupid child characters I’ve ever seen in a horror film, I was seriously hoping she would die with how incredibly braindead this kid is. 

Nevertheless, it’s all pretty decently silly b-movie fun, even if I don’t think this one is amazing either. The forced happy ending wasn’t any help either.

Although this could’ve been amazing, it’s decent enough as it stands. I doubt I’m gonna be watching this or the first movie anytime soon, but I’m glad I gave this sequel a chance.

You’d think a movie that has been touted as the spiritual precursor to the film Event Horizon would be a lot better than what this turns out to be. What we get instead is just… painfully dull. 

The best thing this movie has going for it is the sets, which look incredibly nice for what this is. Besides that, the story, despite its decent setup, false flat. The acting and writing is mediocre at best. There’s not much gore either. And the sex/nudity that happens in the movie is just incredibly awkward. There’s a few unintentionally funny moments, but it wasn’t enough to make the entire runtime worth it. 

I like the cheesy 90s interpretation of futuristic technology, particularly with the computer being some weird sexy lady that’s there for no real reason, though. And there was potential with the Bermuda Triangle being involved, but it’s not utilized much at all.

I recommend you give this one a skip, there’s better sci-fi horror films out there.

A film that’s described as a pulpy, sweaty, and quirky southern gothic noir film that feels like an R rated children’s ghost story should be a lot better than what this is. It’s even got a little bit of Quentin Tarantino infusion in it with the brief foot fetishism!

This movie, to say the least, is quite dull, even if it has its moments and is decently made. The characters feel paper thin, and the story felt excessively drawn out. 

Don’t even get me started on how fake all of the accents sound. This just really didn’t need to be 90 minutes. It would’ve been a lot more effective if this was cut down to one hour instead.

Kudos to Vinegar Syndrome for releasing this, but this was not my jam. Oh well.

Official rating: 3.75/5

Nice. This is a pretty solid sequel that manages to add some new stuff to the table. I’m glad to have seen it in theaters with my cousin. We both enjoyed it, even if we didn’t think it was perfect.

The opening scene was gnarly as fuck and incredible, even if the rest of the movie wasn’t. I think my main issue is that our main protagonist just isn’t as inherently likable to me as Rose. I guess I just don’t feel as much sympathy for celebrities as I would a mental health worker, or someone who isn’t rich and famous.

I won’t lie, Skye is kind of a bitch at points too. I’m not saying I didn’t feel bad for her at all, but I didn’t care about her character as much as I did Rose in the first movie.

Beyond that, I think my other issue is the final act. It didn’t feel quite as tense when you know that the demon that’s screwing with you is going to win no matter what. There’s no stakes involved when there’s 0 chance of survival. It also kind of cheapens things when you’re constantly shown interactions that never actually happened. The constant distortion of reality just felt like it was veering into flawed writing.

Don’t even get me started on the ending. I didn’t hate it at all, but man was it unintentionally hilarious. What an absurd way to finish yourself off!

Nevertheless, there’s definitely some genuinely creepy and brutal moments. The director sure knows how to do some incredible camera work and he can make a damn good jumpscare, that’s for certain! Looking forward to the third Smile movie, and I hope they add some more surprises our way!

This could’ve been something, especially with the decent opening. Instead, though, it’s a poorly edited, awkward mess. All the characters are flatter than a tortilla and dumber than a doorknob, and everything is so utterly clunky and unreasonably slow.

Both me and my boyfriend had trouble staying awake watching this, it was that bad. Don’t even get me started on the headache inducing repeated sound effect used over and over again on that stupid doll. And that’s not to mention all the fakeouts, ugh. 

It’s really just a waste, there is flashes of a good movie here and there, but it’s made so incompetently. There’s little gore, imagination, or scares either. There’s not even nudity. At least give me something, man. I couldn’t wait for this movie to end, it felt like it was going on forever. Don’t watch this movie, unless you want to waste 81 minutes of your life.

It’s a real shame it took me this long to finally watch this, but I’m glad I now have! This is an excellent remake, unlike most remakes nowadays. Filled with so much eye popping practical effects, near nonstop chaos, and an astronomical kill count following the first act, there’s rarely a dull moment despite its faults. 

It’s not perfect by any means, particularly in the story department. I could go more into it, but this is such a great watch that I don’t feel like complaining about it. I love the digs it makes at the US government as well as the subtle satire it does on American healthcare and organized religion too. 

But overall, I don’t have too much to say. This movie is quite good, to say the least! I’m definitely gonna have to rewatch this at some point.

Mot too many thoughts on this, my mother put it on the TV. Mediocre sequel. The Sanderson sister actresses did a decent job despite how long it’s been between this movie and the first one, but the teen characters don’t have even nearly the same amount of charm or likability. 

Don’t get me started on the muted color palette of this movie either. It’s so forced and ugly looking. Why make a sequel to a movie that was so colorful and bright for most of its runtime, and make everything so ugly and gloomy looking?

Wish they could’ve avoided so many references to the first movie and been more whimsical and didn’t try so hard to be funny. I liked the opening scene too, but this movie was overall inferior to the first (and didn’t need to be made) as expected.

What could’ve been an insane body horror gorefest like From Beyond is sadly bogged down by far too much incessant talking. And that’s too bad, the effects on this movie are pretty good, and there’s a lot of intrigue with the plot. It does keep your attention decently enough, but I just wish the movie hadn’t wasted so much time with exposition and characters discussing about what’s going on and actually showed us sooner rather than later. 

Thankfully, the movie does manage to pick itself up with a really entertaining and goopy final act that’s pretty satisfying overall. I just wish this movie could have maintained more focus throughout. It ought to be a lot better than what it is, and it’s quite unfortunate. I’ve definitely seen much worse, though. Still a solid 7/10 in my book!

It’s a real shame the artist who made this and Deep Night was taken from us so early on. There’s clearly a lot of ion and love on display with this, even if it doesn’t entirely work. And he definitely improved himself here. 

The first two segments are actually pretty entertaining, with plenty of fun low-fi gore, weird vibes, and colorful lighting. Unfortunately, the final segment, which takes up most of the movie, it’s a giant slog. It suffers the same issue the director’s first feature length does, which is that it’s needlessly padded out. 

There is no reason for this last segment to be 40 minutes long, it could’ve been far more effective if it was trimmed down to roughly half its length. And that way, the director could’ve added a fourth segment into this and still kept the runtime 78 minutes. Still not a bad movie as is, but it could’ve been better.

Cool visuals and concept, but not the best execution. I can definitely see the ambition on this, and I really appreciate the homemade Italian horror vibes. It’s too bad so little happens in this until the last 20 minutes, though.

It’s already a short movie, but even as it stands, it’s 20 minutes too long. Would’ve been so much better if it was condensed had most of the needless conversations removed, because there are some flashes of greatness in this. Cool visuals and concept, but not the best execution.

It’s a shame this is so needlessly drawn out and uneventful for so long, I really wanted to love this movie. I won’t deny it has a nice premise, location, and score - not to mention some immaculate vibes throughout with the neon lighting and carnie atmosphere. 

The thing is, however, so little happens for the majority of its runtime. And with the main characters being so bland as well, when things do ramp up to a pretty solid final act, I just didn’t feel all that invested anymore. It’s all just such a disappointing waste of a potentially great movie.

This review may contain spoilers.

This is definitely a strange little slasher, even if it didn’t completely work for me in the end. Even if they had it coming, I just wish the sorority girls were able to get away with killing that insufferable old bitch, honestly. And yeah yeah, they should’ve just partied somewhere else, but still. The movie seems to want to make it into some sort of moral dilemma, but I don’t feel all that bad. 

Anyhow, this is a pretty entertaining movie with a really cozy score that I love. It’s not particularly violent or brutal for the most part, but it makes up for it with some decent atmosphere, suspense, and surrealism. Unfortunately, the film kind of just falls apart the more it goes on and left me feeling confused and wanting more from the plot. I give this a 7/10, nevertheless!

Could’ve been something good, but this movie doesn’t have a single original bone in its body. It’s just a mishmash of references (oh look! Lorraine Warren! The Exorcist! Satanic panic! James Randi!). In fact, they’re so unoriginal that they even use AI generated images in this. But, then again, it was difficult to notice when the shitty VHS filter that put over the main majority of the movie makes everything look AI generated. How much would it have cost to use analog cameras, or even just transfer this to vhs really?? I know how to use my laptop to transfer digital videos to VHS myself, why couldn’t they?

And don’t get me wrong, I will give it a little bit of credit. It was decently paced, and they did a great job with the sets, to start with. Also, there are some decent sequences and all the actors did a decent job as well. I really liked the hypnosis sequence, that part was creepy and had some really good effects in it, even if I can’t say the same about other scenes in this. And, unlike some of the reviewers here, I am not going to give this half a star because of the AI art. I’m not saying that I approve what they did, don’t get me wrong. But I’m not going to shit on all the real and talented artists that put plenty of effort into making this, and then simultaneously complain about how artificial intelligence is hurting real artists. 

My last big issue with this movie is that I thought the Bohemian Grove side-plot was done completely lazily, especially when it breaks the 4th wall. It felt so contrived and forced. And I’m not the person to whine about them using that. The Bohemian Grove could make plenty of good horror pictures with all of the suspicious and creepy activity that rich elitists do in that location. I just wish it was utilized a lot better.

My final thoughts? I do not recommend this movie, watch something better.

Oof, this is probably my least favorite Hong Kong movie, along with my least favorite horror film to take place in a mall that I’ve seen so far. It has an occasional decent moment and some nice shots, but somehow this whole movie turned out to be annoying and dull for the most part. It’s really a shame, this movie does have potential but it wastes most of it.

The characters aren’t very likable, there’s not many laughs, it’s poorly paced, and there’s not even much gore to see. Also I got really tired of the actors shouting their lines. There’s no camp or actual humor to it, it’s just headache inducing. Really don’t see the hype for this. The ending isn’t too bad, but was it worth everything else? Definitely not.

Official rating: 3.75/5

Decent third entry to the series, but it’s too bad that it’s probably my least favorite one. Don’t get me wrong, this movie isn’t awful by any means, but it did feel rather toned down compared to the first and second movie. Also, the writing is pretty flawed, and we still have yet to explore any lore at all. It would’ve been much more effective to have it take place 2 months after the second movie during Christmas and have Sienna actively trying to hunt Art the Clown, at the very least. 

Speaking of Art the Clown, he’s easily the best thing in this movie. His new villainous sidekick does a great job, and frankly this movie is at its best when they’re around. I just wish most of the kills felt cranked up like they should be, even with Art killing children in this too. There’s nothing in this that beats the legendary bedroom scene in the second movie, even if the shower and mall scene get pretty close to matching it. 

I have heard claims from the director that some of the kill scenes in this were toned down, which makes no sense given that the gnarly gore is what got these movies their popularity. I know I’ll have to deal with some extra filler, but I hope we can see a directors cut of this. Or, better yet, this version of the movie with the all the kill scenes fully intact. 

Oh well. It’s still decent for what it is, and I’m looking forward to the 4th, and (possibly) final entry in the series!

This review may contain spoilers.

I have to imagine that the introduction to this movie where they describe witches as being evil devil worshipers who kill and eat children is partially there to try to excuse the surprisingly sympathetic portrait of our titular practitioner of witchcraft.

Sara may be a witch who worships Satan, but she’s also incredibly smart thanks to her practices. Using the occult practices of mirror gazing and astrology, she predicts the future and avenges her goddaughter when she’s murdered by her husband to cover up his affair with another woman. Her gaze is conniving yet enchanting, letting the audience know that she’s always two steps ahead of everyone else. 

The film does unfortunately falter a bit when it loses focus on Sara and becomes a really bizarre riff on Eyes Without a Face. It’s certainly also entertaining and bonkers, but not quite as good as the first half of this film. Thankfully, things do pick up by the last 10 minutes with a really great and grisly finale that grants Sara unambiguously victory in the end. 

Ultimately, this is a pretty decent way to spend 75 minutes of your time, and is a perfect movie to play for Halloween. It’s equal parts, spooky, silly, visually gorgeous, and bewitching… no pun intended. I, for one, definitely recommend this!

Watched this played from a projector on a makeshift screen while doing my yearly weekend camping trip with friends and family.

Don’t have much thoughts on this, I’ve seen this before, and it’s okay. Clearly this was made with popular early 2000s actors rather than actors that fit the role, for better and for worse. There’s some decent laughs to be had, and some very unfunny moments too. Loved Kathy Bates in this, though!

What a great way to open a movie. Excessively gothic and over the top, this is a fun little 60s low budget horror movie from Mexico. It’s not necessarily original, nor does it always the best makeup… but does it need to have either? What matters is that it’s a lot of fun and is full of amazing sets, vintage eeriness, and some less-than-subtle foggy spooks in a way you don’t see in a lot of modern films anymore.  

I did feel a bit bad for those dogs and horses though, they’re way too skinny. At least we got to see the dogs eat some food off the top of a glass table for a ridiculously silly moment of what’s supposed to be some sort of b-movie attempt at gore.

What a goofy little horror comedy.

Dr. Giggles and his stupid one liners are endlessly entertaining. The teen characters are a bit less interesting, but thankfully they don’t take up too much of the movie. 

Wish some of the kill scenes went on for longer and were more graphic, but they’re all pretty fun. I hope we can get an uncut version one day, I can smell censorship on this movie. But, on the plus side, there’s a few moments that are surprisingly gnarly that earned this an extra half star from me. Surprised the corpse scene didn’t get cut out, honestly!

Overall, I still enjoyed this. Don’t expect this to be very scary, just expect lots of kills, laughs, and camp, and I’m sure you’ll enjoy this!

What a beautifully oddball little film. It’s your low budget horror film that doesn’t behave quite like your average b-movie. Probably should’ve saved this for Valentine’s Day, but oh well. 

The opening scene alone could’ve made a great horror movie on its own, but things get truly strange once we make it to the titular hospital of horrors. From there, it feels like what it would look like if David Lynch made a slasher exploitation film on a small budget, especially with that soundtrack that’s way better than it has any right to be. It’s not particularly gory, but it’s utterly damn weird.

It genuinely has a feel of a bad dream where everyone around you is either acting like video game NPCs, dropping like flies, being utterly untrustworthy… and everyone besides you seems to notice anything weird. Don’t forget the creepy doctors trying to molest you too. Jesus, fuck this hospital!

And while it’s oddly nightmarish, it’s filled with very odd increments of humor, both intentional and unintentional. Loved the creepy grannies (one of them played by a guy in drag) that are found goofily wondering in the strangest areas of the hospital in particular. And then the abrupt happy ending is so downright jarringly surreal and amazing. Love this trash-masterpiece.

[Review of the Doctor Butcher M.D. cut from Severin Film’s 4K/blu-ray combo.]

This is certainly gory and exploitative, but it’s easily the most easily accessible to normal audiences. Unlike most cannibal-sploitation movies like Cannibal Holocaust/Ferox it does not having any rape or animal cruelty. And it’s doesn’t a surprisingly good movie with more than a few gnarly moments that still caught me off guard. 

Really love the random student film inserts in the beginning. It has nothing to do with the rest of the movie, but it weirdly works well and has such an oddball vibe to it. Plus, unlike the shit show that was Patrick Still Lives that I saw a few days ago, this one actually has an intriguing plot and is quite well paced.

I wasn’t huge on the very apparent overlaying of music on a few moments of this version of the film, but hopefully that’s fixed in the Italian edit of this once I get to watching this version. I also thought the ending felt a bit rushed, but I was overall satisfied and had a pretty decent time! Recommended.

Five Nights at Freddy’s meets Nic Cage should be a lot better than what this is. Of course, I still enjoyed him in this and there’s some decent gore and Cage rage, but this isn’t his best movie by any means.

Wish he actually spoke in this rather than doing nothing but being silent, cleaning, killing animatronics, and chugging soda. Also, the actors who play the teenagers are awful, but whatever. 

This movie is just… okay. Watch Elvis the Alien’s review on this, pretty much summarizes my thoughts on this better than I can.

Wow, this was an amazing hidden gem. It’s the sort of movie that, once you think it’s peaked, it tops itself again and again. What a flashy, sexy, funny, gross, brutal, and satirical adrenochrome-pilled nightmare. Not only is it a takedown of toxic beauty standards, it’s also dedicated to lampooning the most predatory aspects of Hollywood. In addition, it also functions, very effectively, as a cautionary tale of what self hatred and the refusal to accept yourself as you are can lead to, albeit in a more extreme way.

Love how it’s anything but subtle, almost to the point of being cartoonish. From the ultra stylish cinematography, chaotic editing, insane sets, near constant leering at T&A, insane body horror, and even the pervy Hollywood executive’s name being Harvey, this movie gives no fucks whatsoever. It’s done in a way most movies don’t seem to do as much anymore. Honestly, if you just had the characters use older phones, you could fool some people into thinking this came out in the 90s.

It owes as much to Stanley Kubrick and David Cronenberg in its incredible sets and intense destruction of the human body as it does to Stuart Gordon and Brian Yuzna with its goopy, grotesque, over-the-top body horror and bloodiness, particularly in its final act. It also owes a lot to Paul Verhoeven’s Showgirls with all its camp, glitter, and unapologetic horniness. Coralie Fargeat combined all of these love letters into a product so good to the point of almost being exhausting. 

I do think that out of all the elements of this movie, the writing wasn’t exactly the most incredible. It’s not bad by any means, but it did feel a tad bit hollow and thin. Otherwise, everything else in this movie is damn amazing. Demi Moore, Margaret Qualley, and Dennis Quaid all killed it in their roles. 

Wish I could watch this in theaters again, but I’m definitely gonna have to give this a rewatch soon! It was such a joy to see my two cousins who watched this with the in the cinema be utterly speechless from this film once the credits played, I’m not sure I’ll be able to have a better moviegoing experience than that!

Whether it hasn’t gone past DVD/VHS, is considered lost, hasn’t been released at all, only available on streaming, or has a blu-ray that’s either censored or so poor quality that you can’t even call it a restoration, this is a list for all the films I wanna see have a high quality physical media release.

• Night Nurse
• La torre de los siete jorobados
• Go Down Death
• The Unsuspected
• Tension
• The Young and the Damned
• The Narrow Margin
• Wicked Woman
• Jeopardy
• Crime Wave

...plus 926 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

• Companion
• Sinners
• The Monkey
• Warfare
• A Working Man

It seems a lot more modern films tend to suck. And they’ve been disappointing me a lot (especially the Hollywood ones!), so here’s some ones that I have some hype for. I hope they don’t disappoint!

• Lisa Frankenstein
• Azrael
• Return to Silent Hill
• A Quiet Place: Day One
• Love Lies Bleeding
• Never Let Go
• Weapons
• Arcadian
• Sting
• Mind Body Spirit

...plus 17 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

• The enger
• God Is a Bullet
• When Evil Lurks
• Infinity Pool
• No Exit
• Saw X
• Malum
• Sympathy for the Devil
• Cocaine Bear
• Renfield

...plus 7 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

• Martyrs
• The Devils
• Suspiria
• Alucarda
• Gothic
• The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Miss Osbourne
• Mandy
• Parents
• Messiah of Evil
• The Church

...plus 5 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Found footage not included. This is a list dedicated to old and oftentimes obscure films that feel like they’ve had a hex placed over them.

• The Black Cat
• Incubus
• The Devil's Rain
• The White Reindeer
• The Book of Stone
• Messiah of Evil
• Psyched by the 4D Witch (A Tale of Demonology)
• At Midnight I'll Take Your Soul
• Memoria
• The Appointment

...plus 26 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

• Malignant
• The Scary of Sixty-First
• Dashcam
• The Sadness
• Antlers
• Last Night in Soho
• Censor
• Pig
• The Little Things

Listed in no particular order. Whether it’s intentional or not, these films, at least to me, successfully replicate the beauty, terrors, and often utter nonsense that happens in dreams and/or nightmares.

• Gothic

  Less of a biography and more of an imaginative vision of what might of happened that caused Mary Shelly to write Frankenstein with some imagery based on romantic paintings throw into the mix.

• The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Miss Osbourne

  The claustrophobia, hazy lighting, disorienting cinematography/music, sudden disturbing acts, and bizarre behavior? Yep, this is basically a feverish nightmare recorded onto film.

• Carnival of Blood

  Watching this feels like your brain clumsily trying to make a carnival horror film. Even if it fails, it ends up creating something far more fascinating to witness.

• Malatesta’s Carnival of Blood

  Feels like a nightmare that’s trying to lull you into an even darker nightmare.

• Hiruko the Goblin

  Sunny, cutesy and dreamy, yet secluded, bizarre, and freaky at other times, this one feels like a childhood nightmare that was generated after watching Teletubbies and The Thing back to back.

• American Rickshaw

  Lots of the things that happens in this film left me confused or baffled… yet very much engaged. And I have a feeling the filmmakers didn’t even intend to make this film so dreamlike.

• Help Me... I'm Possessed
• Boardinghouse

  While on total accident from what I can see, this feels like a dream you wanna pretend never existed.

• Eyes of Fire
• The Devil

...plus 77 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

• Longlegs
• The Substance
• Strange Darling
• Civil War
• Terrifier 3
• Smile 2
• The Beekeeper
• Abigail
• Immaculate
• Nosferatu

...plus 8 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

A list dedicated to transgressive films that are thematically or aesthetically comparable to the film Salò, or the 120 Days of Sodom for you to enjoy/hate/avoid!

• Night of the Pencils
• Fairy in a Cage
• Men Behind the Sun
• Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS
• Eugenie
• Goodbye Uncle Tom
• Masacre en el río Tula
• Immoral Tales
• We Are the Flesh
• Confessions of a Congressman

...plus 61 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

• Barbarian
• Terrifier 2
• Project Wolf Hunting
• Smile
• X
• Fresh
• Pearl
• Nope
• Crimes of the Future
• Adult Swim Yule Log

...plus 5 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Personal opinion of course, but I can’t stand these awful films.

• Midsommar
• Skinamarink
• Antrum
• Saint Maud
• Creep
• Amulet

Modern horror tends to suck, but here’s some that are practically perfect and still hold up!

• Color Out of Space
• Mandy
• Possessor
• Barbarian
• Malignant
• Us
• The Scary of Sixty-First
• Longlegs

Films for people who enjoy Silent Hill and/or its film adaptation. This list is dedicated to movies that include elements such as nightmarish grungy locations, dark/grim themes, grotesque visuals, and themes of isolation that are reminiscent of the titular games.

• Evil Dead Trap
• Dead End
• Martyrs
• Messiah of Evil
• Suspiria
• Combat Shock
• Eraserhead
• The Death King
• The Shadowed Mind
• The Void

...plus 20 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

I’m not sure if these movies being here reflect on me as a person positively or negatively, I’ll let you be the judge. Nevertheless, here are horror movies I consider part of my comfort films list!

• Gothic
• Midnight
• Fear No Evil
• Alucarda
• Satan's Blood
• Sometimes Aunt Martha Does Dreadful Things
• The Lair of the White Worm
• Color Out of Space
• Necronomicon
• Grave Robbers

...plus 10 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

For better or for worse, here’s a list of the sloppiest, nonsensical, sleazy, feverish, incompetent, grimy, and bizarre horror films I’ve witnessed thus far.

• Meatcleaver Massacre

  This is such a craptastic mess that you I couldn’t keep my eyes off of, and it had some weirdly straining artsy imagery occasionally too!

• Devil Story

  Bernard had no idea he was doing with this, and just decided to pad just about everything out in a desperate attempt to make his film feature length. Still fun even though it gets tiring at points. 

• Boardinghouse

  Biggest pile of shit done a cast high on all sorts of drugs and a sleazy weirdo hippy director who conveniently wrote a most of the attractive female characters desperately horny for him. It’s a bewilderment to watch, I’m telling you!

• Satan's Children

  A nasty, mean, and truly baffling movie that feels like an after school special gone horribly wrong that doesn’t know what it even wants to say about anything, and (in this case) I love it!

• Hard Rock Zombies

  Pure garbage. It’s the sort of film where you know most of the cast were taking plenty of cocaine while making it. Unfortunately, however, this film doesn’t know when to stop either. 

• The Game

  I’m convinced Bill Rebane made this to troll everyone. 

• Carnival of Blood

  Made by a cast and crew that had no idea what they were doing. It’s strangely edited, strangely filmed, and strangely acted. As a result, this film becomes accidentally veers right into dream territory with a bizarre repetitive feel to most of it occasionally mixed with some weird kills. The heavily damaged 35mm print I watches this film on weirdly makes the experience better too!

• Horror House on Highway Five

  It has no idea what it’s doing. It switches from being a cheap horror comedy and an unnerving experimental horror movie… with a creepy Richard Nixon mask involved!

• The American Scream

• Possessor
• Color Out of Space
• The Hunt
• The Vast of Night
• The Last Matinee
• The Invisible Man
• Gretel & Hansel
• Promising Young Woman
• The Wolf of Snow Hollow
• The Rental

...plus 1 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.