This got kind of visuals, and Renaissance didn’t?

But really: this was one of the worst films I’ve ever had to sit through. Multiple scenes where Jenna Ortega explains The Weeknd’s own songs to him - Lord have mercy. Something in my brain just snapped.

By the time he was wandering down a completely empty street in dramatic slow-mo, I found myself irrationally angry that they’d even bothered to close it off for filming - and I wasn’t even affected.

Substance becomes her

This is about as good as cinema gets.

Despite well-executed action and a fitting sense of finality, the film struggles under heavy exposition and a clunky, aimless plot. The first hour feels like a messy patch job, likely the result of production issues. It picks up later, but while watchable, it never reaches the heights a finale should.

Even if you’re unfamiliar with the history, there’s enough here to draw you in. Just be sure to look up the real story after, because truth really is stranger than fiction.

A virus that knows your bank balance… and gives you bleached veneers before killing you (?!).

I thought I had reached peak ridiculousness after the killer sofa, but there’s always something that proves me wrong. That doesn’t make this film any less terrible.

I hadn’t even made it to the movie’s midpoint when I realized I’d already seen everything it has to show, which isn’t much, and had already heard everything it has to say, which is nothing at all.