my spoiler free review of this remarkable achievement:

when the entity began disseminating negative reviews of mission: impossible - the final reckoning, i did not falter. us unwavering cruisers do not quiver in the face of criticism, we stand staunchly, ready to defend lord and savior thomas mapother iv at all costs. 

but alas, there is no need to make “a case” for this picture…no need to don the mask of the vulgar auteur, armed with context to situate this…

the only franchise which gives audiences the agency to hoot and holler when a child is grotesquely crushed by a falling piano (he deserved it, for the record). 

because all horror movies have to be serious now, final destination: bloodlines frames the central curse allegory as a double for generational trauma. the film is mostly uninteresting in these moments, but it's a rare instance where strained familial bonds feel relevant to the textual diegesis.

i did cringe at some of…

there's a popular template of post on twitter which involves flaunting 4 separate stills from a motion picture. these tweets attempt -- and often succeed -- to convey the overall sensibility and essence of a feature length film, inviting the mindless twitter scroller to seek said film out, and bask in the glory of (potentially) many more similarly striking moments. nevertheless, a crucial problem arises, as any movie can seem ostensibly appealing and visually engaging when one only has to…