Me at 31: Eh, this movie is fine.

Me at 44: This movie in no way speaks to my life, my marriage, my children, or my career. Like, in any way. And for reasons that are 100 percent unrelated and disconnected from that, I find this movie a lot funnier than I did when I had no children and had only been married for like three years.

One has nothing to do with the other. I’m not like this. My family’s not like this. At all.

I swear.