Part self-homage, part self-critique, part celebration of garbage ’80s culture, and part condemnation of its most obsessive adherents. In other words, a complete and utter mess, but a fascinating one in its incoherence. In anyone else’s hands, it would surely be unwatchable. In Spielberg’s, it’s never boring, and occasionally dazzling. (The Shining sequence will go down in history as one of his great achievements. The rest of the movie will not.)

Also, note to self: If I ever become the head of a sinister tech conglomerate in a dystopian future hellscape, do NOT leave my on a Post-It Note in full view of anyone who comes into my office.