Maybe like every other year I get a big Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle itch and my morbid curiosity gets the best of me and I rewatch this movie and how bad it is.

I was always a little let down with this one. It’s so unengaging and flat most of the time. There are some great emotional beats to it, but honestly I think Infinity War has better ones. I think I’m ready to it that I think the final battle scene mostly sucks and everything that was cool about it was only cool in the moment because of the hype. For most of it, there’s very little setup and follow through in the action storytelling—people just kind of rush at each other and it looks like two digital figures fighting and then one falls or flies away.

The jock in this looks like Brett Kavanaugh and the rest was downhill from there.

Nicole Kidman, in my AMC Theater approximately two hours before being stabbed in the heart by her own son: somehow heartbreak feels good in a place like this.

But no joke this was very good. I love how Robert Eggers just lets history and mythology play out as though everything is very very real. I love that he relishes in the rituals to a point where what’s happening on screen isn’t weird so much as it just feels like something people actually did. I don’t know how historically accurate these portrayals are but it certainly feels historically accurate.