Everything I wanted from an Alien movie, heavy handed callbacks aside, Alien Romulus is fucking glorious.

A relentless blend of EVERYTHING that came before, goes from zero to Prometheus real quick. es the vibe check of that lived-in utilitarian, used-future aesthetic I love so much whilst expanding upon the world building of Corporate dystopia & Xenomorph lore in interesting ways, feeding off the grand ideas introduced in Prometheus. Alvarez doesn't quite capture the methodical cerebral tone of Alien. Romulus instead plays…

It's Wes Anderson & I like (most of) what I've seen of Wes Anderson. I like the style, I like that any substance is found within that style & the depth being in the details. Its cool & very much my shit when I can just appreciate the aesthetic.

The Phoenician Scheme follows the Wes Anderson blueprint of hyper stylisation with all the pastel colours, the precise framing & symmetrical compositions. Characters talk in dry rapid-fire monotony or deadpan glances. More violent than you…

"I feel there's a storm...*brews tea* impending"

Fuck you, Guy Ritchie.

It's not too often I will notice bad writing in a movie but whatever AI chat-bot Fountain of Youth was shit out of is already committing crimes against humanity before Skynet is even online.

Having to endure all the annoying, self-important, EXPLAIN EVERYTHING, Thesaurus-fucking dialogue, uncharacteristically lifeless direction & charmless, chemistry-free performances only to end up in Egypt because of course the fucking Pyramids are involved, there couldn't possibly be…

A TOM CRUISE PRODUCTION

TOM CRUISE

Tom Cruise runs. Tom Cruise swims. Tom Cruise jumps. Tom Cruise Tom Cruise Tom Cruise.

I really thought all the flashbacks, exposition & retconned callbacks would annoy. Characters talking in dramatically sinister tones about THE ENITITY or a RECKONING or ETHAN IS OUR LAST CHANCE already set up in Part 1? Stop talking Thomas, start running god damn it...yet weirdly, I would totally watch a longer cut of more talking? I like being a pseudo…

I'm considering 5 bagging this motherfucker.

I was apprehensive going into this that Garland would be pre-occupied with Politics but it soon becomes clear that when you're on the ground, war is not politics. It's about killing people trying to kill you. Not your ideology over mine in those moments. Senseless slaughter. Simple survival over death. It's this primal coding that gives Civil War it's intensity, every encounter becomes a time bomb of nervous energy just waiting to explode into…