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Rewatching this after years is insane:

I recognize all of the actors from other stuff now?? Seeing Michael Douglas again after Wonder Boys is an Experience. (And he actually cares about his wife this time! Crazy, I know.)

”Forget AI, forget cryptocurrency…quantum energy is the future.”
Oh man, Chris from The Hateful Eight, I wish. I really wish.

I paused the movie at one point to explain quantum entanglement. Of course I would’ve gotten interested in that kind of thing in the past few years.

Paul Rudd was really up for anything. The scene where Janet takes over his mind in the lab is wild, looking at it now…

They mention The Smiths a LOT. That completely went over my head last time.

I guess the character of Ghost did improve in Thunderbolts…not a high bar though.

Man, I wish I could un-see Quantumania…

Someone deeply misinterpreted Dead Poets Society

Fine, Pinterest screenshots. You win.

As someone who generally finds animation vaguely off-putting, this is the scariest movie I’ve ever seen.

Oh to have a beautiful wife who wants to talk about books with me

I’ve never wanted to get up and scream “YES!” at a movie so badly. I would rewatch this a million times just to see Nazis die over and over again.

I could’ve watched another hour of this to be honest…I miss when this would’ve been the minimum for Marvel movie quality.

Watched on Saturday May 24, 2025.

This review may contain spoilers.

I skipped a certain scene and the quality significantly improved. Who knows why Warren shot Smithers? Not me anymore! I’m living in ignorant bliss now!

This review may contain spoilers.

This was good overall…but the scene where Henry is literally screaming crying throwing up while Tommy and Jimmy are laughing maniacally and digging up a corpse and the entire thing is BRIGHT red…that’s cinema.

I cannot possibly convey my shock at opening letterboxd and seeing that this movie is just over an hour. I spent decades watching this. We have been through wars together.

The Pinterest girls would have a field day if they saw how many times Tim Roth smoked a cigarette in this.

Watched on Friday May 9, 2025.

The best part of this is that they clearly did have the budget for horses

(Michael Keaton plays his role like he escaped onto set from an evil scientist’s underground laboratory, and it’s perfect)

Watching this movie gives me unhealthy urges to go out and buy excessive amounts of fake blood

Crazy amount of suspension of disbelief to convince myself that Brad Pitt could play a believable stunt double for Leonardo DiCaprio

Also my first Quentin Tarantino movie without Tim Roth :(

I would be such an annoying person to watch this with…

I AM NOW A LICENSED FILMBRO

I love watching guys in suits do horrible things!

This review may contain spoilers.

“The First Avenger” reference?

This review may contain spoilers.

*Jigsaw voice* Hello Harvey. In the next five minutes, either you or your girlfriend will die. The containers surrounding you are filled with gasoline, and will be lit on fire as soon as the timer runs out. Your friends have been given both of your locations but only have the time to reach one. They must make a choice. Let the game begin.

(This was so intense that the only comfort I found was in thinking about SAW TRAPS.)

This review may contain spoilers.

There’s a scene in which Christian Bale falls out of a window while on fire, so…

Watched on Saturday April 12, 2025.

Watched on Monday April 7, 2025.

This review may contain spoilers.

Aaaaand I will never be alone in a room, turn off the phone, own an analog clock, smile, or squash a bug again.

If I got sent to a place called Nightmute, Alaska to solve a homicide case, I feel like I’d know things were about to Happen.

This is what Batman movies could be like if directors weren’t COWARDS

Steven Spielberg explores the dangerous implications of what would happen if David Fincher directed “The Fifth Element” while on a dare to use the color scheme from “Twilight.”

(I love this so so so much)

Maybe tomorrow I’ll come up with a good review; right now I’m going to cry for a little bit

“Satan is heating his pokers for you, you blasphemous heathens” was not the phrase I was expecting to hear come out of Tim Curry’s mouth in the G-rated Muppet pirate movie.

(It took me way too long to realize that I was actually watching this in German. I thought they all had accents or something and I just wasn’t processing what they were saying. Nope.)

I watched this while I was writing to get inspiration for creating good dialogue, but just ended up depressed that I’ll never be able to write dialogue this good

Everything suddenly made sense when the movie ended and I saw the words “Directed by Christopher Nolan”

Watched on Friday March 14, 2025.

All was well and good until they SKIPPED HAMLET’S DYING WORDS AND HORATIO’S FINAL LINE TO HIM. (Just kidding! All was not well and good until then! This was terrible!)

Also FUCK “Hamlet” being done in Russian. It’s not artsy and melancholy and romantic. The story of “Hamlet” alone is not the appeal; it’s Shakespeare’s words themselves and the way they sound that add an extra layer of beauty and comfort and intensity. Whoever translated this did a decent job technically speaking, but it doesn’t sound right, and you lose sooooo much because of that. Not to mention that they cut out a ton of singular lines or parts of lines in the interest of making it shorter (I think?). I have no issues with a two-and-a-half-hour “Hamlet,” but they cut some of the greatest lines in the show while leaving the context around them, so for a lot of the banter and jokes in particular, you get the setup but not the punchline.

Maybe that’s for the best though, because I don’t know if I could have recovered from hearing some of the greatest lines ever written come out of the mouths of these characters. I’d heard this Hamlet described as more composed and reserved, but I guess I still expected him to show some emotion. Silly me. There was no evidence of human feelings from a single person in this production! They delivered the lines like robots being taught to imitate vaguely pretentious accents.

Aaaaaand a final complaint: I don’t know why directors like to have Hamlet deliver his soliloquies via voiceover, but I’m not a fan. It undermines the importance of the speech to have it muttered in the background while some guy stares blankly at a wall.

All in all, not my thing. But I’m glad that other people like it, since this somehow has an insanely high rating.

So so so much respect for a Hamlet who looks like a combination of Toby Maguire, Kevin Kline, and young Hugh Laurie, and dresses like Dracula. It must be hard carrying all that awesomeness around every day.

The line delivery of “quintessence of dust” had me SHAKING (as did every single other part of this, let’s be honest)

All of the “It was the 90s”s in the world couldn’t excuse HALF of what happens in this movie

Unfortunately for everyone around me, this is a franchise.

She’s everything…and he’s just K-k-k-ken.

Absolutely wild movie to watch while multitasking. I’d look up and have to ask myself, “Why is Kevin Kline trying to kiss the guy from Monty Python?” And I don’t think I ever really got an answer on that.

(Also Stephen Fry!!! He was in it for like five seconds!!!! But I knew it was him!!!!!!!)

I don’t even like romance movies. The Charlie Day obsession is slowly killing me. I don’t know what I’ve become.

I was really not paying attention but I feel like there was a missed opportunity there to have the sharks actually riding roller coasters

Watched on Sunday February 9, 2025.

Gas prices are too high for this kind of thing now

This review may contain spoilers.

I yelled “Checkhov’s gun!” in the first fifteen minutes and GUESS WHAT? It was fucking Checkhov’s gun.

(Me and the narrative structure of this movie —> 🫂)

Someone has to say it: every single guy in this movie is identical, and the effort it takes to search for differences between a hundred Italian men with dark hair wearing the same suit and hat for three and a half hours doesn’t seem worth it when they all kill each other in the last ten minutes anyway.

This review may contain spoilers.

Watching Jennifer Aniston whisper “I’m going to fuck your wife” to Charlie Day was something I didn’t know I needed.

(I wanted to rate this five stars but I finished “The Godfather” this morning and gave it 4.5, and I really don’t know if I could recover from that)

On the next… “Arrested Development”…

Seeing Ryan Gosling get beat up every five minutes is actually something that can be so personal.

This review may contain spoilers.

The moment Riggs adopted that second dog, I realized that this was Will Graham’s backstory.

• The Nightman Cometh: Live
• The Covenant
• Thor: Love and Thunder
• Jennifer's Body
• Iron Man
• Moon Knight
• Big Hero 6
• Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
• In the Heights
• Ordinary World

...plus 21 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

I’m not beating the allegations…

It’s gonna look like I don’t like some of these because they are very far down the list, but that is not true! I love all of them through Batman Begins, I was okay with Insomnia (it could have been better), I rather dislike The Godfather Part II (though I know it to be objectively well-made), I enjoy Die Harder (though I know it to be terrible), and I despise anything beyond Raiders of the Lost Ark.

1. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
2. Reservoir Dogs
3. American Psycho
4. The Nice Guys
5. Memento
6. Interstellar
7. Donnie Darko
8. Lethal Weapon
9. The Dark Knight
10. Pulp Fiction

...plus 35 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Best “Hamlet” overall: “Hamlet” (2009)
Shortest movie: “Hamlet” (2000) (1 hour and 52 minutes)
Longest movie: “Hamlet” (1996) (4 hours and 2 minutes)
Best modernization: "Hamlet" (2018)
Best recreation of Shakespearean performance/setting: "Hamlet" (1948)
Best Hamlet: David Tennant
Best Claudius: Patrick Stewart
Best Horatio: Peter De Jersey
Best Ophelia: Helena Bonham Carter
Best Polonius: Ian Holm
Best Gertrude: Penny Downie
Best Laertes: Luke Thompson
Best Rosencrantz and Guildenstern: Calum Finlay and Madeline Appiah (shoutout to Gary Oldman and Tim Roth though…not technically a “Hamlet” production but they slayed)
Best costume design: “Hamlet” (2009) (Hamlet in a red muscle t-shirt!)
Best set design: “Hamlet” (1948)
Least incest-y: “Hamlet at Elsinore” (1964)
Best “O that this too, too solid flesh would melt”: “Hamlet” (2009)
Best “To be or not to be”: “Hamlet” (2009)
Best “O what a rouge and peasant slave am I”: “Hamlet” (2018)
Best “Alas, poor Yorick”: “Hamlet” (2009)
Best guards-meet-the-ghost scene: “Hamlet” (2018)
Best Hamlet-meets-the-ghost scene: "Hamlet" (1991)
Best Ophelia’s flowers scene: “Hamlet” (1948)
Best Claudius death: “Hamlet” (1991)
Best Hamlet death: “Hamlet” (2009) (diversity win! Horatio kisses Hamlet’s dead body!)

1. Hamlet

   Hamlet, exactly as he should be: absolutely fucking insane

   David Tennant is the only actor ever to properly deliver “He will stay ‘till ye come”

2. Hamlet
3. Hamlet at Elsinore

   Christopher Plummer is by far the most likable Hamlet; every time he turned to face the camera, I went “Aw, he’s just a little guy,” and my opinion of the play became increasingly favorable.

   This is also the most “Hamlet”-y “Hamlet” I’ve ever seen. It follows the traditional dress, style, and order perfectly, and takes practically no liberties, other than to never show the ghost himself (not sure how I feel about that).

4. Hamlet

   “Historical accuracy” this, “Beautiful costume design” that; they look stupid.

   Also WHERE ARE ROSENCRANTZ AND GUILDENSTERN??

5. Hamlet

   Whyyy are directors so committed to Hamlet having a weird sexual relationship with his mom? And why are actors so committed to performing “To Be Or Not To Be” in a mutter-y, “realistic” voice? I need a Hamlet who SCREAMS!

   This was actually pretty good until Act III, when Hamlet has that weird conversation with Gertrude and they end up making out and implying sexual stuff while Hamlet yells at her

   The Fortinbras subplot is sacrificed in the name of time, but I wasn’t too attached to that anyway, and “Hamlet” in two hours is impressive.

   The “Alas, poor Yorick” was pretty awesome too.

6. Hamlet

1. Reservoir Dogs
2. Pulp Fiction
3. Inglourious Basterds
4. The Hateful Eight
5. Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood

Somewhat controversial ranking of all of the Marvel movies/projects I’ve seen

1. Deadpool 2
2. Ant-Man and the Wasp
3. Thor: Ragnarok
4. The Avengers
5. Avengers: Endgame
6. Deadpool
7. Avengers: Infinity War
8. Guardians of the Galaxy
9. Captain America: Civil War
10. Spider-Man: No Way Home

...plus 38 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Only the ones I’ve seen so far, so expect this list to grow

1. Memento
2. Interstellar
3. The Dark Knight
4. Following
5. The Prestige
6. Doodlebug
7. Dunkirk
8. Batman Begins
9. Insomnia
10. The Dark Knight Rises

I got tired of trying to sort these, so they’re in alphabetical order now

• American Psycho
• Ant-Man and the Wasp
• The Covenant
• The Dark Knight
• Dead Poets Society
• Deadpool 2
• Donnie Darko
• A Fish Called Wanda
• Hamlet
• In & Out

...plus 13 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Not ranked based on any particular measure of accuracy or creativity or truthfulness to the original text…just vibes.

1. Hamlet

   Hamlet (obviously)

2. Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead

   Hamlet

3. Hamlet

   Hamlet

4. National Theatre Live: Coriolanus

   Coriolanus

5. She's the Man

   Twelfth Night, Or What You Will

6. 10 Things I Hate About You

   The Taming Of The Shrew

7. The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes

   Coriolanus

8. Hamlet at Elsinore

   Hamlet

9. Saw VI

   The Merchant Of Venice

   (Not really an adaptation per se, but there are enough references and similar themes that I added it to the list anyway)

10. Hamlet

    Hamlet

...plus 10 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

I hope to god that some of Nick Cutter’s books get adapted into movies solely so that I can add them to this list.

• The Crucible
• Dead Poets Society
• Good Omens
• Deadpool 2
• Saved!
• Life of Brian
• Monty Python and the Holy Grail
• Dogma
• Bare: A Pop Opera
• The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys

...plus 4 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Ranking criteria in the notes

1. Sharknado

   Disappointingly few sharks. Only one or two tornadoes. Shameful, really. 😔😕

2. Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

   Lots of sharks. Like maybe one tornado? Plot-to-shark ratio was too high.

3. Sharknado 2: The Second One

   Lots and lots of sharks. Satisfactory amount of tornadoes. Good.

4. The Last Sharknado: It's About Time

   Sharks and tornadoes AND time travel AND DINOSAURS. Truly amazing. A work of art.

SO WHAT IF THEYRE ALL SHANE BLACK MOVIES HE HAS A TYPE OK

• Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
• Die Hard
• Die Hard 2
• Iron Man 3
• Hawkeye
• The Long Kiss Goodnight
• Lethal Weapon
• L.A. Confidential
• The Nice Guys
• Last Action Hero

...plus 1 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.