4v291o

The ending of jump street 22 but with Mickeys

How did he keep the watermelon fresh for 10 years?

American psycho for wankers

She likes books and eating people 

He likes his sister and eating people

What a cool couple……………………………………………………………………………..of losers!!

This movie kills itself.

For the record, I only watched this because I was under metaphorical gunpoint. 

Why didn’t sully just call the CDA when he found Boo? I’m like 90% sure they cut a scene of him debating ringing the alarm or smt, cuz his reasoning for going straight to Mike is straight up non-existent. Or maybe the genius Pixar writing staff got so caught up in their own bullshit, they forgot to for basic character motivation, and everyone didn’t say shit because they were too afraid to correct the creators of A Bug’s life. I can give at least 3 good reasons on why sully made that contrived blunder fuck but this isn’ the type of movie for inferencing internal conflict!

Coming of age stories are the crucifix of storytelling, swooning wanna be martyrs into preaching recited scripture that I’m shocked doesn’t bore everyone to death.

Oh I get she it. She was conflicted.

Masochistic man legitimately tortures himself on camera for views #3

Please hear me when I say, "I sorta don't think this move should have never been made." Even though it's trite, cheap, derivative, pretentious, ostentatious, cliche, and incredibly derisive towards its target audience, deep down under all the fluff, I saw the vision Ben Stiller was attempting to materialize, and it was one that I wouldn't hesitate to defend. It gives me great solace in knowing this film can at least help anybody trying to do the same by showing them what not to do.

Why were there some scenes where Nosferatu was naked and others where he wasn’t. It begs the question of whether Nosferatu prefers to wear clothes and whether the director(and writer) even considered this or just cheaply enforced this whenever Nosferatu needed to appear more scary. Cuz it really didn’t seem like Nosferatu was a conflicted villain stuck vacillating between dressing to impress in an effort to retain whatever humanity he has left while being a stone cold killer who don’t give a flying fuck what other’s think.

If you’re reliant on the crutch of nakedness to conjure fear in an audience: rework your monsters design or rewrite their encounters to be more suspenseful. 

I want a copy of the screen play to see if naked and Nosferatu are ever within 5 words of each other.

This shit’s ass

Not a fan

Why was the ass portion of the biped mold so unproportionally massive?????

They should call themselves Daft Skunk because this movie Daft Stunk

If I was at Woodstock 99’, my ass would not be civil.

log(Charlie Brown) = John Arbuckle

exp(abs(Snoopy)) = Garfield

sqrt(Woodstock) = Odie

tan(sin(cos(Lucy))) = Nermal

Now where’s my goddamn Nobel Prize, for my interchangeable conversions of Peanuts to Garfield. And a peer review will not be necessary. I know I’m the only willing expert in the field. 

Uhhhhh is this long movie even canon?

Watched on Thursday November 7, 2024.

Capriciously compelling

While walking out of the vomitorium, I picked a random stranger’s brains. Here’s what they had to say about the movie.

What did you think of the film? 
Uhh I think you mean Movie, and a piece of shit.

Main critique? 
It wasn’t realistic.

What do you mean when you say this children’s movie wasn’t realistic? 
“Roz learned to think outside her programming,” don’t you think that’s a bit cheap? 

Yeah.
How so? 

Can we get back on track? 
Sure. 

Why did you see this?
I like robot films.

What’s your favorite robot film? 
I doubt you’ve heard of it, it’s happens to be very underground. 

Try me.
Heart Drives & Incremental Gymnastics.

And that’s when I woke up from this fucking nightmare.

Processing

A piece of shit

I want to personally apologize for my recent actions; my last two movie reviews were not legit. Instead, they were riddled with fallacies and lies and lacked any essence of the pure truth people look for in movie reviews. 
So to people that I have recently wronged through letterbox, I’m incredibly sorry. I stole something from you that you can never get back: your time—wasted internalizing misinformation. 
I promise that will never will happened again. 
Well, never again from me. 
Well, never again from me on letterbox.
 
For those that want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Legit Movie Review EP 2 The Blair Witch Project w/ Mason & Kimberly 

When ur trying to escape from Ma’s house, Mashank redemption.

Holy fuck! This was the best damnn movie I’ve ever seen. 

The entire time, I was at the edge of my seat, gripping the chair with my ass cheeks, just completely enthralled and entranced with the cinematic masterpiece that I had the pleasure of beholding.

I’m so happy I made the decision to see this today. I didn’t think I was but then the opportunity presented itself and then I was like “hey, what the hell, what’s the worse that can happen.” It’s funny too, cuz I went into this film expecting something completely different, but I’m ecstatic how it turned out .

LEGIT MOVIE REVIEW!

Behold, the future of letterbox!

Sorry y'all but I’m changing the game! From now until then, this will be how I present my movie reviews.

Not even Alamo will be able to stop me! In fact, they’d respect me for trying to capture my genuine in situ opinion of a film. Cuz we all know everything else is superficial bullshit!!

While y'all waste your time typing your precarious/pretentious/preposterous/preordained/presumptuous/pregnant movie reviews, I’ll be enjoying more of life by watching more and more movies. And then I’ll be pumping out more and more and more movie reviews with no reduction whatsoever in their quality!!! 

This is what cinema was missing, and it all starts with Ricky Stanicky!

If I got attacked by a face hugger in front of my friends, it would be the embarrassment that would kill me. 

I’m not a stickler, just a dampener—where was the instant depressurization after that Andy Goomba stomped the one Asian Xenomorph. Its acid blood would have gone through the elevator’s roof, therefore opening their room to a room that by then should have been open to space.

When with no other option, what’s to stop an android from going to hand-to-hand combat against Xenomorph? I want to see that in an Alien film. Androids lack that innate desire of self-preservation, and Xenomorphs only know how to kill, so if they were to fight, both of the fighters wouldn't be affected by adrenaline. And at that would be cool to see. 

The most gung-ho cut and paste hero’s journey ever. I like dune more. But worst of all: it didn’t the Bechdel test.

This movie went over my head, like a tornado. 

Calf Nibbler

I disagree with some of the decisions that were made for this film adaptation, but if they came from compromises, then I’d understand. God only knows the many limiting factors that restrict a film from reaching its intended vision.

HATE 
The realtor immediately knowing Patrick Batman was the serial killer just completely ruined that scene. She could have been a bad actor or smt; I don't know. The screenplay is pretty clear about her realizing in the moment who Patrick was. It could have been bad directing too, I don't know. The only thing I know is someone's at fault for that terrible rendition of a scene. 

Out of everything they choose to exclude and include, knowing that they were pressed for time, I don't know why they chose to include Jeannette reading Patrick's day planner; it doesn't add anything to the plot. The message is that monsters exist, running around unchecked because some just always get away with it. The building of suspense about whether Detective Kemble knows the truth about Patrick Bateman was also kind of against this message; if they made the whole scene take place in his office, that would have been more fitting.

They got rid of( or at least heavily minimized) Patrick's drug use, kinda a terrible move on their part. But if it's like a censorship thing then okay.

LIKE
The only original idea incorporated into this film deserving of respect (out of the, like 5) was Detective Kemble asking Patrick Bateman if he likes Huey Lewis and The News. It raised the interesting question of whether "the entity of Patrick Bateman" would choose to bond with someone over a shared interest and while under the pressure of an interrogation too. Even though the answer was no, it could have been equally a yes; it being arguable is pretty damn cool.

A lot of other scenes were amazing too: Cards, Paul Allen, Detective(only the one in the office), Cop shoot out, Feeding the cat. The sound design was amazing too; perfectly sharp and eery. Overall, the acting was amazing, except for that one certain stain. 

LOVE 
Patrick Batman, the self-proclaimed non-person missing a soul, can preach music theory like scripture, and that's just a great way to interpret those chapters out of the book. 

The psychopath had a telescope in his living room, and that's just a cool detail.

In the screenplay, the name of the couple who were with the realtor was: YOUNG YUPPIE COUPLE; and that's just funny.

This film was made by cynical assholes

War, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing - Jospeh Heller 

I really liked how they made the solider in white talk and the break away story of Yossarian in that Italian town. And those were both new additions to the story by the director.

Yossarian shakes mad dick in this

I can’t believe they removed the moaning scene

3 people shit themselfs while I was watching this film: 2 babies and 1 adult.

Dexter gets flogged in this

So many crazy bits happening at once, that you go along for the ride, just appreciating what they're building towards.

Even while you are being watched closely, you still have your freedom, but if you are closely watching yourself, you'll never be free. 

That's the message I got from this wonderful film, and if it was conveyed through Don's allegory of him freeing himself from the burden of living up to his fans's expectations, then I'm honored to have been part of this film’s creative process.

That first animation sequence with the mess of nerves was spectafying. Those progressing perspective-heavy 3D angles of that specific 2D character will never leave my mind.

This review may contain spoilers.

Early on in this film, it's purposefully established that sandstorms erase motorcycle tracks from the sand; that is the specific writing solution used to stop "The Great Demetrius's Gang" from tracing the mother's motorcycle tracks back to the green. But later in the movie, Furiousa was still able to find The Great Demetrius in the desert right after he biked into a sandstorm while trying to escape her, and she never even had any tracking dogs with her. This plothole was deliberately overlooked by lazy eyes in order to never have "The Great Demetrius's Gang" have a way to get to the green because they would have written themselves into a hole if they had.

They actually do this again in the film in a much more blantant, lazier way too. "The Great Demetrius's Gang" never tortured the location of the green out of the mother or Little D; instead, the mother was in a, very stupid way, quickly killed off and Little D was just chauffeured around the waste land. Torture is a common thing in the Mad Max world; they had that guy in that saw trap. They literally can't be afraid to show stuff in Mad Max; it's not a fucking Disney movie; it's Mad Max, but honestly, it might as well been with Thor's marvelous acting.

Look, don't give your character a hollow motivation that you intend on instantly dropping; I feel like that's basic knowledge. And why couldn't "The Great Demetrius's Gang" go to the green? It was already destroyed in Fury Roads, so it doesn't make a damn of a difference what happens there. I'm 1000% sure they could have worked out a way for Furiousa to not go back to the green if "The Great Demetrius's Gang" took it over. Acutally, you know what? Maybe they saw more potential for a better story that included Little D being chauffeured around the desert wastand than anything that could have ever happened at the green, a mysteriously destroyed oasis that has never been literary explored. 

Mad Max takes place in Australia, yet they call Gas Town Gas Town and not Petrol City. Though Gas Town was canonized in Fury Roads, it was still written by the same writers of all the Mad Max movies, who are both proud Australians who nationalistically chose to set all of Max Max in Australia. I've given it some thought, and here are the two options for what I honestly think happened: either the writers reasoned to calling it Gas Town because they seriously thought that a few nukes would erase the word "petrol" from every single human's vocabulary or some American dipshit producer enforced some edits to their Fury Road's script; one or the other, it's a lose-lose, and I honestly can't tell which one is more likely too.

"Pis y Caca" (ﾉ´ｰ`)ﾉ

Mia and Sebastian were never equal protagonists; Mia was the main character of this film, while Sebastian was just her foil that was flanderized as an idealist to cause shallow drama. He gave up on his so dreams quickly, and he didn't even keep "chicken on a stick." But that's the type of overlooking that's common in this film, and it's the trunk from which all my other specific problems with this movie's plot branch. Even though they were both dreamers who gave up their ideals, you literally can't argue that they suffered the same from their choices because it would be like comparing giant apples to tiny apples, and that just seems like a missed opportunity that would have been fun exploring. For a film that praises jazz, not a single bit of music played wasn't painfully rehearsed, and that sort of encapsulates how I feel about this film's writing, but please know I'm not a biased, bitter man because most of the surreal theatrical moments blew me away, literally giving me something to strive towards. But seriously, did Mia expect her first showing of her one-woman show, which she herself put on, to be the big break that would skyrocket her acting career into stardom?

Emma Stone also out acted the shit out of Ryan Gosling, cuz whenever only the two were talking, the camera was mostly staying on Mia.

Watched on Friday May 24, 2024.

Tashi Duncan is the best tennis coach in the world. By being a tennis ball, she trained her white boys how to rally.

This movie was a home run! 

The foley put a velcro rip sound to someone taking a bite out of a banana, but the thing is, that’s not even the craziest example of creative expression in this film, which to me was the tennis ball POV shots. A second was the head sweat dripping down on the camera scene. 

There’s plenty of fish in the sea but only one Zendeya

My sexy talk 
”Your work suffers from a lost in translation when ever you're trying to communicate your vision to an audience”
“Ohh yeahh baby, what else?”

I bet you someone got the idea of this movie from the homoerotic grunting in a tennis match 

I’d used to play tennis so hard my arms would fly off 

Look when I lost my overwatch career I wasn’t complaining 

“Swinging Dick”!!!!

“I’ll look at you just like this if you lose tomorrow” [Zendeya then proceeds to show the exact same facial expression she had through out the entire movie]

You just know they never talked about how they made out with each other

“I don’t play home-wrecker”, she actually plays home-devastater. It was quite clear in the subtext that is what she prefers to play. 

Another 3 way would of been the perfect climax to this movie 

All hail techno tennis 

I just know the two guys were repeatedly drenched for each take of the final set

I was on the ginger dudes side in the final match

Either Jack’s characterization was basic and unfulfilling or I didn’t give a shit about this whole fucking movie

Everyone needs to stop worm riding this movie, It isn't healthy to be that delusional. Just look at the 5 star reviews.

The makers of this film were sorta hypocritics for the message(s?) they were trying to convey, Ray Nelson the writer and John Carpenter the director were millionaires when they made this movie? So it really fundamentally conflicts with the critiques they made towards high society’s abuse of capitalism to stay at the top?

Dear @johncarp414
As a millionaire movie director, how do you feel about consumer media being used to manipulate the masses? And why was this film structurally worse than the thing?

This movie was comparable to a spider bite on my nutz, I learned so many things watching it

Chris Kyle’s Sister 

I swear they added the cat when they had to rewrite this Fillm

They literally put a silver bullet in a silver bullet 

They doubled downed on the films town by the split personality reveal 
And they quadrupled downed with the hypnosis screen 
And they octupled downed when they said now and then was their favorite song 

The guy brought her on the team just to immediately shit on her ideas 

They spoonfed the subconscious arglie thing 

That scene with the smoke deserved a start otherwise this was a 4 star movie 

They bought the rights to a Beatles song and the song they bought was now and then!!!. They played it three times in the film 
^ 
nvm review how you review I was just angry at everyone’s horrible sense of humors. 
weirdly enough, only the people in my row were laughing at this film and for uneede

This was only a “bad movie”’if it “wasn’t your cup of tea” and food critics aren’t supposed to be picky eaters, instead they’re supposed to dissect each meal and base their review of whatever the dishes intended purpose was 

The box with the silver bullet

Does sex sell 5 star reviews? It does when it’s with Emma Stone! This is a critique of the film!

The story was the weakest part of this film, The pacing was off during the parts where Pinocchio was away from Gepedo, but when Pinocchio was with Gepedo, it was a great film

In this movie, they shafted jimmy cricket by the amount of screen time they gave him

Gepedo should of gotten zapped the second time Pinocchio was brought to life, it’s almost like they don't care about consistency

I really liked the inhuman movement Pinocchio displayed in the scene after he was brought to life

I really liked the sneezing scene

“If you go back now you will become mortal, you may save Gepedo, but it will be your last life” I love this because the deity is literally programming Pinocchio to care about being mortally. Which sucks because it wasn’t shown well that Pinocchio never really cared about being immortal but in the first place. Or maybe that was the problem Pinocchio just didn't really care about anything while he was immortal, or its that he just didn't know how?

Here's a secret about me, from me to you: the lucky reader. I really like Pinocchio stories because I basically fucking made one. And during that whole writing process, I really resonated with the emotional toll of hand crafting a successor that fails to meet its intended purpose cuz like your stuck with them

Everything in this film was portrayed with so much realistic nuance, it felt like I was watching an actual nazi family though a time machine. What broke me from this trace was when they had nazis cartoonishly grinning while proudly talking about minute improvements to gas chambers, that just took me out of the film, but I regained interest in like 20 minutes. It sorta made me take this movie less seriously, and to me that was the only part of the “painting” (Max) that lacked subtlety.

Honestly, If this whole film kept the l premise of the outside viewer shots and life style scenes of the first 20ish minutes It would of deserved a 5, maybe even a 6, but instead they vainly gave it a family story that moved it from that initial structure. Literally the best scene in this film was when a girl hiding food for jewish prisoners, and the "main story" wasn't even in it.

Best Joke in the film ~ there was a funny scene with a fence gate.

During this movie: Mason kept trying to whisper me jokes, Noah was playing phone games, and Max was crying

Shout out to who ever puts this movie in their top 4!

Ferris Bueller would of not liked Now and Then

I’d like to make public my, up and coming, exoposé on this film. It’s purpose would be to provided a critical analysis for any of its future readers that need a reality check.

Soulless