had a feeling about tom noonan after seeing his performance in manhunter. there is such an awareness that he carries — an empathy that breaks through beyond his characters. 

it’s startling how inactive empathy can become. our relationship with it is largely composed of taking in. empathy in observation, not in reaction. it’s internalized. you can see what someone is experiencing and not know how to respond to it. it’s like reaching in the dark and not being able to find the other person’s body. maybe our best attempt at trying to connect is by exposing pieces of ourselves too. 

i got a reassuring email from a coworker the other day when i was visiting someone and i glanced at it and started crying on their couch. i tried to explain what was happening and all my friend said was “you have such a big heart”, but it didn’t feel that way. just felt like i was taking in & trying to figure out where to store this kindness, but panicked and let it all spill out. empathy is often messy. maybe the only way to not overflow is to extend it more freely, not concerning ourselves on how to preserve something that should be fluid.