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Woohoo! I’m #1!

But really this movie is beautiful, heartbreaking, and creatively awe-inspiring 
 These brothers continue to reinvent the wheel and make it do things it didn’t know it could do.
Sally Hawkins is the beating black heart of this twisted little chiller that should make Osgood Perkins weep for what he could have been.
Bleak, terrifying, and unbearably sad. This is the feel bad movie of the summer

This one is tricky for me because it does what it’s supposed to do. It delivers inventive and creative ways to kill likable and unlikable characters alike with nihilistic glee. It’s funny, clever, and suspenseful and we get a tear-jerking send off for franchise and genre mainstay Tony Todd (and it is truly the best part of the entire film). My gripes lay entirely with the cinematography and the over reliance on CGI which lands this 14 years too late installment near the bottom. The CGI is expected with the deaths but the absolute lack of any practical effects whatsoever is confounding considering this is the most expensive film of the entire franchise (50M!!). This makes the unfortunate demise of our cast carry 0 weight and impact and also look downright cartoony (I’m talking Happy Tree Friends quality). The cinematography is the biggest offender here. We’re talking CGI skies…once again, biggest budget and a quarter century of technological advances and innovation and yet everything looks like it was filmed on a soundstage. This is painstakingly obvious at times as it creates an overall crowded and claustrophobic feeling throughout. Theres a LOT of good qualities here that deserve cheers but the overall cheap quality of the film elicits only jeers from this reviewer. I truly hope this is THE final destination because I’m not sure this is a journey I want to embark on ever again if this is a portent of the franchise’s future.

I still haven’t decided how I feel about this movie… having only seen it once on VHS YEARS ago, I’d given up any hope of watching it again now that I like my horror movies a little more silly these days. Boy is this one silly. Between Morty being a wooden mummy and clearly looking like a man wearing a cheap faux-wood suit and blinking and moving when he clearly shouldn’t be speaks to the cheapness of this films production. The cast is actually pretty solid with BETSY FUCKING PALMER of all people! And the delicious Gordon Currie who played the sexy Antichrist in the Christian Left Behind series I’m actually pretty on board. Morty talks in this one, offing snotty twenty-something bitches with cringey one liners that actually prove endearing. There’s a whole subplot that was tragically mishandled, whereas everyone is set on “conquering their fears”, some are scared of water, some clowns, and then there is Mike who is scared of becoming his father (a literal axe murderer) and I’m starting to think that Mike deserves friends that aren’t so vapid. There’s a character who disappears from the film altogether and almost everyone survives and this one surprised the hell out of me. It’s still pretty bad tho

An absolute piss poor and soulless adaptation that completely misses the point of its source material. This film is DOA with limp-dicked leads who can’t act to save their lives.

You’re generally going to have a fun time with anything that has Keke Palmer in it…generally. This one has all the manic irreverent energy that should have hit that qualifier. However, Keke is left alone to shoulder a very unfunny script with an equally unlikable cast (although homeless boy grew on me) and a co-lead who just cannot act to save her life. With a threadbare storyline and a well tread conclusion, even Keke’s chops aren’t enough to elevate this movie above its innumerable mediocrities. None of it feels earnest enough to even let yourself enter feel-good territory. We’ve been here, done this  over many decades and this buddy comedy will be thankfully forgotten.

Had the potential to be absolutely corny but instead ended up being a very fun and cute popcorn movie that lends the action and aesthetics of a Marvel movie to the fantastical heart and spirit of The Santa Clause. Not groundbreaking, not destined to be a holiday classic, but still light and enjoyable enough to be a fun diversionary watch.

A really earnest attempt at recapturing the zany energy and heart of a Farelly brothers movie with half the cast of the new Mean Girls and hoping everyone forgot NEVER BEEN KISSED. It works in some ways but it puts more effort into the heart of the film and not caring to make sure it pumps blood to the rest of the body.

The stars for this one are strictly for the shirtless douchebags in this film that I would let run a train on me

Relentlessly funny and juggling a few too many plots. It thinks it’s being heartwarming with its message but it’s a case of too many rinse and repeats… the messy divorce, rediscovering love later in life, etc. The whole thing is held aloft by some astute observations on the race riots and LGBTQ-acceptance as well as the hallmark back and forth between Madea and her family as well as the white Irish family of character Davi. It no longer packs the emotional punch of its early predecessors and has some laughably bad special effects at one point but there is still some fun to be had.

Its aspirations are much higher than its abilities, a well-acted, mildly interesting supernatural thriller with well drawn characters falls apart shoddy plodding, no resolutions, and a head scratcher of an ending that is both nonsensical and (thankfully) abrupt.

It’s not hard to see where this one is headed but all of the surprising little pit stops on the way are well worth the journey. Terrific sound design, Kyle Gallner finally sexy, and an absolutely magnetic lead make this one of the most entertaining surprises of the year

Shyamalan’s TRAP is kinda fun until it’s not. It’s part Lifetime thriller with a psychological moody edge and part concert film with the worst music you’ve ever heard. Shyamalan shows up for a groan-inducing cameo that only gets worse once you find out that proxy Taylor Swift a la Lady Raven is his fucking daughter in real life. It’s really nice seeing Harnett back on the screen (and shirtless to boot!)

This is quite a film. A thorough slow burn that descends into madness and takes you with it. Cage and Monroe give some career-defining performances that will immortalize them in the genre. It’s understated, ingenious, wholly original, and still a little bit goofy. Despite the film’s overall tone there is a bit of camp humor to be found that will leave you so uncomfortable and unsettled but delighted in the devious happenings. It captures the pitch-perfect satanic panic era that was beginning to taper off in the early nineties but the film never really feels out of time or place. Osgood has already proved his horror cred with his previous offerings but this work (while at many turns familiar) is altogether different, exciting, and fresh to a point that I was completely caught offguard.

Starts off with a decent story regarding how trauma manifests later in life and is merely hinting at supernatural influences before throwing it all in behind supernatural possession thriller and a climactic final battle that seesaws with regards to tension  and pacing and ends up becoming just another possession movie. Russell Crowe does an irable job leading this meta screamer and Kevin Williamson’s involvement gave me high hopes but this is a . Got a cool poster tho

IF is not a particularly well-written movie and has some absolutely BAFFLING sequences. The character designs (while great) kind of fall apart when they are forced to interact with the human actors as they never really seem to be present which is odd considering this whole movie’s aesthetic is a mashup of live action and animation. Where it absolutely shines is the casting. Ryan Reynolds is his typically charming self and we really could have done without Krasinski playing the emotional lynchpin the movie’s entire plot revolves around. However, we have a young lead who carries this entire film on her narrow shoulders and does an amazing job. The movie has an astoundingly massive heart, great message, and so universal that it makes you overlook the few negatives as it toys with your heartstrings. I saw it in a packed theatre and everyone (including myself) was smiling stupidly and sniffling throughout the film’s final minutes. It’s not very deep but is still a resonating and emotional experience that I absolutely loved.

A been-there-done-that-got-the-t-shirt killer spider movie that doesn’t care too much about explaining what causes the mutation that turns the little creepy crawly into a huge menacing creature (no spoilers, it’s all in the trailer). Where with most independent and low budget creature features this would be tedious this actually is a benefit. The character family drama is genuine and heartfelt thanks in no small part to great performances, especially those of angsty Charlotte and her advanced-stage Alzheimer’s Oma. Another welcome addition to this little film is the reliance on practical effects.

Spooky, eerie, unsettling, and mean-spirited little flick and will be interesting to see what parts of this story make it to the American remake. The acting is great but the story just takes too many baffling turns that it makes it hard to feel sympathy for the protagonists.

Kept my attention and engagement with solid performances and an emotional story…all punctuated with a propagandized pat on the back for the PRC that was nauseating. Like fuck that communist country bruh. That and the fact that the “what happened after” scrolled by ENTIRELY too fast that it’s impossible to figure out what happened in the cliffhanger finale and a headscratcher of an epilogue. All in all a decent revenge thriller

Easily one of the most creative horror movies in years with a premise so obvious you wonder why it hasn’t been done before…except it kinda has in the underappreciated 2006 horror comedy classic Behind the Mask. Where this one really sets itself apart is in its dedication to observing (not documenting) a killer being a killer, not necessarily fleshing out why the killer is the killer, or why he does what he does in such gruesome fashion. There’s a monologue late in the third act that hints at it but the ride to get there is quite the entertaining jaunt in the woods. This slasher eschews the entire cliched setup and kind of gets to it rather quickly as we follow Johnny through the woods to retrieve something that was taken by a group of disrespectful college kids. What are their names? Why are they in the woods? Do they deserve the fates that are about to befall them? We have NO clue as that character development is jettisoned, and the silently stalking monster becomes the main character of this film. The kills are among some of the most gleefully brutal I have ever seen in a slasher and the camera catches them in an absolutely unflinching way in a cinematographical game of chicken to see who looks away first (Spoiler: it will be you). Another creative piece in this film lies in the fact that there are numerous instances where they incorporate near-agonizingly long one-takes that prove hypnotic. There are a few areas that hold this back from getting a perfect score. The first lies in the dialogue. The writer relents at certain points and in an effort to give a method to the madness, to frame the carnage, we get expositional dumps that sounds rather unnatural and forced coming from the characters whose names we don’t even know. The other deficiency lies in the pacing of the film: it’s just a bit too long as we literally trail this Jason Vorhees inspired killer through the woods for the bulk of the film. When it slows down to let us watch our man at work it really shines, cutting down some of the walking shots would have resulted in a tighter, more enjoyable film. At the end of the day we are treated to a movie that reinvents the slasher to the same degree that Scream and Cabin the Woods deconstructed the genre. It’s remarkably simple and that’s perhaps its greatest strength and is very worthy of applause in a day and age where horror has once again begun edging past its “best by” date.

Watched on Sunday May 26, 2024.

Neve is the only reason to watch this Lifetime murder mystery. She brings such a strong emotional core to a ho hum tv movie that actually makes it sort of riveting.

In yet another bid by low budget, buck-chasing, creatively devoid filmmakers to ruin childhood memories, the Grinch is the most recent victim of villainization. In what could have been a silly, fun little spin on a holiday slasher we get an old Family Guy joke stretched out into a full length feature film. The acting is expectedly subpar and David Howard Thornton turns in a typically dialogue devoid role that relies more on physicality which turned him into such an iconic character actor in a misogynistic franchise elsewhere. He’s honestly the only worthwhile part of this film while all other performances are begging for unearned/undeserved laughs. The film really does stick the landing in the last 25 minutes as the gears finally start to click but it’s too little far too late for this stinker of a film.

I’m not quite sure how to describe what I watched but a day later I’m still trying to figure it out. I feel like this movie had a lot to say and there were a lot of great ideas, some shocking visuals and thought provoking plot devices but ultimately I feel like this movie is about coming of age, self-discovery, and mental illness. My understandings and feelings will most likely change with subsequent viewings but it’s frustrating in its decision to hand you a mangled mess of a story and feelings and leaving you to untangle it yourself.

The Fall Guy is fun, funny, and sexy start to finish. An Impossible to dislike cast featuring Ryan Gosling at his ripped-up Goslingest and Emily Blunt being endlessly charming with an easy-breezy organic chemistry between the two that makes it easy to root for their romance. Aaron Taylor Johnson also adds a nice dose of sexy himbo muscle to the cast in this loving ode to Hollywood’s unsung rough-and-tumble heroes: the stuntmen. 
All of the action set pieces are nail-bitingly tense and impeccably choreographed and the film delivers some playful jibes to Hollywood with smart tongue-in-cheek humor. Some major plot holes exist but everything is so much fun that you really end up not caring by the time it’s finished. It’s also one of the rare big studio films where everyone involved seems like they’re enjoying their work and craft and having fun whilst delivering an infectiously entertaining, popcorn munching thrill ride.

In a lot of ways TAROT feels like a nostalgic throwback to the early 2000s fad of remaking successful Japanese horror movies (because Americans can’t read). Therein lies both its strengths and weaknesses. It doesn’t bring ANYTHING new to the table but still remains a competently told scary ghosts picture. It blends Annabelle Comes Home and Thirteen Ghosts but stays choking on the dust of even those underwhelming movies. A majority of the baddies in this one are actually well-designed and there’s a lot of practical and makeup effect work that went into their unnerving presence and unfortunately all too brief screen time. There are a few times where the film ventures into “super low-budget idea somehow gets a bigger budget than it deserves” territory (The less said about The Magician’s segment the better…) but overall the movie had so much potential to be so much worse than it ended up being. The gorgeous Avantika and always fun Jacob Batalon keep this film afloat (as well as a surprising ing role from wise sage Olwen Fouéré) It’s ho-hum but not wasted time.

Not realizing I was watching a prequel until after the end of it may have factored into my viewing of this Indonesian horror film. The setting and cinematography are gorgeous, the acting is decent, the male leads have stupid hot bodies, antagonist Bawitdaba is gorgeous and seductive…the story? Just drags and really goes nowhere. This could have been a 20 minute short film or an exposition scene in the aforementioned movie, but exceeding a 2 hour runtime is asking a LOT from its audience. While none of what’s here will encourage horror fans to seek out more of Indonesia’s horror output (a la K/J-Horror) it’s still an okay film. I think my biggest problem with this movie was the actions of the extras in this film, they just move  in a way that’s meant to be threatening/unnerving but it’s just really REALLY cringey. There are scenes that have the potential to really move the story along and fix the pacing issues and cross the line into terrifying but the choreography just makes it insufferable and unnecessarily long.

In celebration of the film’s 45th anniversary, the annual Alien day, impending 6th sequel, and the nosedive of  Ridley Scott’s career this sci-fi horror classic returns remastered to cinemas and holds up remarkably well.  There is not a bit of fat or wasted celluloid to be found in this slasher-in-space game changer that would leave an indelible mark on both genres that continues to this day. It boasts a powerhouse cast with a star-making turn by Sigourney Weaver, eye-popping practical effects, terrifying scare set pieces, and iconic set and creature design by the late H.R. Giger. For this film to remain as exciting, terrifying, funny, and suspenseful after all these years is a true testament to this franchise’s undying legacy. Perhaps the most fun aspect about catching this one in theatres was seeing it in a packed screening room with first-timers gasping and oh-my-god!-ing at scares we as genre fans continue to chase to this day.

There is not much to hate about Arthur the King but there’s also not much to like either. It’s a dog movie for dog people, and for the segment of the audience without pets this movie is definitely one of the least affecting of the genre. The only thing saving this from being a completely unremarkable film is the chemistry of the cast and nail-biting zip line scene.

At times exciting, a nostalgic throwback to those who watched the guys in rubber monster suits destroying miniature cities. It mercifully withholds the melodrama in favor of more action-oriented storytelling. Unfortunately, it’s narratively overstuffed, three potential world-ending villains all crammed into one Ultraman origin story with a lot of talking and a female protagonist that acts very strangely at every turn. Eschewing the charm of its campy origins, they trade in the stunt actors in bulky suits for cheap looking special effects. Such promise leading to disappointment.

Watched on Tuesday April 23, 2024.

Alex Garland delivers yet another thought-provoking movie, feeding your brain as well as your mind yet still trusting to leave you to reach your own conclusions. This is a loaded film that asks many questions, turns the camera on the audience for a healthy dose of introspection, and exposes you to the ugliness and horror of war by bringing it to the streets of your own neighborhood. The sound design on this is spectacular, I rarely jump during movies but this one had me leaping out of my seat multiple times through action scenes that are tense, and breathtakingly choreographed. The performances of the core cast are ridiculously engaging and organic as the multigenerational team comes together to help a budding photojournalist come into her own with the country coming apart at the seams. Possible spoiler territory- the movie is stubbornly withholding. We don’t see what caused everything to get to this point, we don’t get to see the pieces, or their moves to determine who the bad guy is. We don’t know if we should be rooting for the secessionists or the military. We don’t get any characters that are coded or proxies for real life people. Much like the journos, we are only along for the ride to witness history, not necessarily comment on it. This is actually a very refreshing change in of storytelling but I’d hate to see certain groups championing this film.

Cinematography is great, setup is great, folk horror story connections, great… everything else is trash. I respected a lot of what this set out to do but when it actually started doing it I became insanely annoyed. Usually a movie that deals with the theme of duality is an automatic win for me but this one tested the fuck out of me. The story is an absolute shambles so what we get is a lot of unattractive dudes whimpering and crying the entire runtime. It’s pathetic.

While I do appreciate the attempts at trying to dramatically convey what clinical depression can do to a person, it does get overly judgy and recklessly permissible of how the lame ass protagonist’s mental illness affects other people. There’s never a happy healthy medium provided in this story or anything encouraging that isn’t, “just get over it.” Thanks…
Adam Sandler manages to play no character at all. This is the lowest effort phoned in performance I have ever seen. It’s dead pan, monotone, not a single vocal inflection or facial expression to be seen here. For God’s sake, the CG Spider in this movie has more personality than the actual living human being. It tries its best to ripoff Interstellar and 2001 whilst giving it A24 vibes but with no emotional anchor it’s all a futile, limp dicked exercise in filmmaking.

While making great use of its found footage conceit and sporting some clever scares, this movie has way too much going on and manages to overstay its welcome by about a half hour. A limited series might have been the better way to go for this story because in this format it’s concentrated mess.

Really don’t understand the hate and pedophile-slinging accusations that this film engendered on our side of the pond. It’s a great little morality tale that explores the culture clash between religion and equality-forward society. If you have half a brain and watch this movie with an open mind you’ll realize that this is a condemnation of the sexualization of girls and young women and champions the virtues of being able to grow up naturally and enjoy the fleeting moments of childhood that we are afforded.

Heading into this one knowing that Gareth Evan’s is helming it, one would expect a gory, ultraviolent John Wick vs The Wicker Man. While there is plenty of gore to feast on (mostly contained to the last half), this one trades in buckets of blood in favor of a slow-burn character study that is anchored and led with an amazing performance by Dan Steven’s. Equal
parts Midsommar and The Strangers, this is a rewarding watch for those who like their horror gritty and thought-provoking and will worm its way under your skin by the time its earth-shattering denouement surrenders to the credits.

* “scientists (not in the Amazon)”
* a movie so bad that the main actress blinds herself in the final scene so she’ll never have to see the finished product
* how to kill a franchise

So, it’s nowhere near as bad as Morbius, and nowhere near as bad as the meanies on the internet are making it out to be. But it’s still not good either. Dakota Johnson and Sidney Sweeney look completely lost in this film while Celeste O’Connor is the only one with any life and is constantly infusing this film with some intentional humor to offset the unintentionally funny, ridiculously clunky writing that I’m starting to believe was written by Pepsi’s AI ad campaign manager. There’s a final battle scene where the villain tries to get under the protagonist’s skin: “You’re just like your mother!” To which she calmly responds, whilst fighting for her life, “I am”.
It plays itself as a suspense thriller that just so happens to be in a superhero universe but the end result just leaves one wondering, “why? And for who?” The absolutely awful ending scene is a set up for a sequel, but the dead look in Dakota’s equally dead eyes mercifully promises that we’ll never have to see it.

While the appetite for these two butting heads has ittedly been quenched by the superior previous entry, there is still so much fun to be had with this. It’s definitely more of a Kong movie than it is about big G but every bit of crazy Kaiju carnage will satisfy fans of both marquee monsters. The humans are very fun this time around and their side story clips along well strictly because everything they do and say is as stupid and baffling as what their gigantic counterparts are engaging in. This movie and franchise knows EXACTLY what it is, and what people are showing up for and they give it to us in spades. The humanistic quirks that the filmmakers imbue the monsters with are initially a little silly and worthy of an eyeroll but by the end of the film it’s all very endearing and makes the star-studded team up worthy of all the raucous cheering and applause that I experienced at my packed-house showing (seriously, this was almost Endgame level audience participation). With an engaging cast, an apocalypse-style setting, mind-blowing spectacle, there’s not a single dull moment. It’s big, loud, dumb, and most importantly FUN in such a way that it evokes the feelings of yesteryear theatregoing.

This ended up being more entertaining than I had anticipated. Muscled, shredded men punching each other in the faces for two hours is an art form lost to late 80s early 90s action cinema. Jake Gyllenhaal is the new impossible-to-attain body aesthetic pinup boy, dethroning former king Zac Efron from his Baywatch days. Connor Mcgregor plays the delightfully unhinged, silly villain of the film (*on a boat* “oooh our own little octagon!” “Who taught you shapes?!”). The only problem is this film knows how silly this whole thing is and doesn’t quite know what to do with itself. Billy Magnussen gives his character Ben Brandt every bit of restrained, calculated insanity that the film’s canvasse allows him. This soulless remake all exists on nostalgia alone and much like other nostalgia cash ins of recent years (Top Gun, Ghostbusters, The Crow) people the original as being better than they actually were. Gone is the homoerotic subtext and in its place is a muscled-up, female-gaze, TikTok attention span, Instagram aesthetic with an absolutely phoned in performance from typically reliable Gyllenhaal. While everyone is working their acting bussies off with cringeworthy dialogue, JG walks through this film like Goldberg, no selling every punch and emotional beat. As the character lynchpin this film is anchored around, it makes the ing characters and their plights feel even less serious. There’s no real emotional payoff or resolution of plotlines, it just ends and sets itself up as a television series pilot Road House: The Renegade Saga. NOTE: I had to deduct an entire star for an opening segment that subjects us to a shirtless Post Malone and the film expecting the audience to buy into the preposterous idea that he could kick anyone’s ass.

“This piano’s out of tune”

Very similar to a Kristen Stewart at her height film but still different and twisted enough to stand on its own with hunky Diego Klattenhoff as the husband to a woman who suffers from memory loss, and their daughter all drawn inexplicably to a house she somehow doesn’t know she owns after her family was slaughtered decades prior. There are not a lot of surprises here and it plays itself pretty much as a drama-thriller-family mystery until the final half hour when it gives itself over to its spooky spiritual undertones. Plus we get Justin Long, our scream king, for a little bit.

Late Night with the Devil has a lot to offer jaded horror fans and those with a casual curious interest in the genre. With an approach to the found footage format similar to that of Ghostwatch and WNUF Halloween Special, this is an exploration of how quickly a talk show descends into the depths of hell. The setup and format is an intriguing one and is a fresh take on the idea of what lengths one will go to for fame and what it truly all means at the end. There’s also an intriguing dialogue at play with believers vs skeptics that should make both sides of the debate find themselves represented in a way few paranormal horror movies have done. There’s a great deal of care and creativity waiting in this little indie film with a dedication to practical effects throughout (until the climax anyways) with some really fun and creative body horror. David Dastmalchian gets his chance to shine as the leading man after his eerie turn in the ing role of last year’s stellar Stephen King adaptation The Boogeyman. The breakout star of this, though, is the woman behind parapsychologist June, Laura Gordon. Constantly belittled and doubted and taken for granted at every turn, I really wish we had gotten to see more of her story leading up to her appearance on the show with creepy ward Lily. Great performances and a horror fan’s guidance lead this fun little Aussie film to a shocking gut punch of an ending will leave you questioning everything that preceded it and debating the final statement it leaves you with.
Mark 8:36

I probably had my hopes set too high since I immediately watched Leprechaun 2 before this one. Nevertheless, this movie is very very frustrating and problematic. Once again we trek to an unnamed inner city for tired stereotypes that make this movie lose a lot of the charm that comes with the territory of being a Leprechaun film. We have these really uneven attempts at character development, relationship drama, gang turf strife, and weird  music video segments. The only enjoyable parts of this involve the titular character and it takes almost half of the runtime for him to factor into the story (aside from his opening scene segment with the priest). His scenes go a long way to redeeming most of this otherwise unsalvageable film. The final fight proves tedious and incoherent. All things considered, this movie  made a mistake by journeying back into the hood (and so soon after its more fun and inspired schlocky big brother)and it’s no wonder this was the final bow for the  main character, continuity, and mythology.

Caught ‘X’ tonight which (aside from SCREAM) was my most anticipated film of 2022 and boy what a fucking treat this is for old school slasher fans. This is a loving, worshipful homage to 70s era exploitation and grindhouse horror films. T&A (&D!) blood, black humor, unsettling visuals all abound in writer/director/producer Ti West’s return to form (and film!). He also incorporated the grainy 16MM aesthetic which made his debut HOUSE OF THE DEVIL such a nostalgic throwback for those of us who grew up watching horror classics on well-loved VHS cassettes from the local video store. A group of starry-eyed young people look to make their mark, and fame & fortune on a burgeoning adult home video scene in 1979 by shooting their own porno in a chea backwater farmhouse in BFE, TX rented from an ancient couple. As night falls the curtain calls begin for the young couples as they are picked off one by one. Also, it’s an A24 film so expect seemingly unnecessary moments of trademark weirdness. The cinematography is outstanding, the locations are perfect callbacks to the time period, and the performances are strong and grounded and holy fuck, Jenna Ortega in yet ANOTHER stand out role cements her legacy as THE scream queen for a new generation. The movie also feeds us enough nuggets of another story that we are thankfully going to be getting soon and the universe of X expands. This film delivers and satisfies on so many levels and is a definite must watch.

It’s been a long ass time since I’ve revisited the sequels (aside from “in tha hood”) and it’s a crying shame because this is the rare sequel that proves that a bigger budget can sometimes result in a better movie. This one really leans into just how ridiculous its concept is and gives us a solid horror comedy and is entirely unapologetic. We get a Leprechaun drinking contest, a grumpy hungover Leprechaun, a horny Leprechaun, and a killer go cart driving Leprechaun. If you really go into this one with 0 expectations it’s a good damn time.

Was expecting a new Bridesmaids or Superbad from the way everyone was talking this up. First off, taking a gay term for the title of your movie and not even acknowledging gay men is sinful. Secondly, if you’re going to make a comedy it needs to be funny. This is just hideously unfunny the entire film and I’m actually mad about this. It gets 1 star for Jeff’s fine himbo ass and another for the character of Hazel who is more interesting by herself than the entire cast combined. Seriously…what in the fuck was this

This one worked in a way that late 90s early aughts psychological thrillers did. The only problem with that is once you know the machinations that are at play, it makes a rewatch wholly unnecessary and unrewarding. It’s a twisty-turny fun mindfuck of a movie but when they spoonfeed everything to you in an expositional coda, it’s someone proving they don’t trust the audience to piece together something already pretty easy to understand. Taissa is great as the titular character whom you’re not sure to distrust or defend and not-Stanley Tucci delivers an authentic performance of the grief-stricken widower trying to keep his shit together.

“She put a lipstick in her boob and it fell out of her pussy!” 
While it’s been a long time since I’ve seen the original, it’s afforded me the ability to judge this straight to video remake mostly on its own merits. The practical effects and makeup work are respectable efforts but experience varying degrees of quality. This film does go straight for the jugular in a lot of respects namely the more realistic gore and body horror and a dedication to the severity of the violence. Narrative wise, A lengthy expositional setup to explain why such different people end up at the same party hinders this from being a fun possession romp. It lovingly homages the original while blazing its own path and having fun with its chance to reinvent the story. But it does aim for much less camp and produces an uneven fright flick that calls into question the filmmakers’ intentions of using the name of the 80s b-movie classic. 
That being said, it’s probably a better idea to just watch the original (and it’s no-right-to-be-so-good sequel).

The more I think about this movie the more I love it. It has to be one of the absolute (if not THE) best movies I have seen in my entire life. While the first installment was a spectacular film in its own right, this one completely blows it out of the sky. The special effects are top notch, the visual storytelling is a force to be reckoned with, the roles are all so effortlessly inhabited, the story completely engulfs you, and 166 minutes has never felt so short whilst leaving you gagging for more. Zendaya is at her most fearless, Timothee stakes his claim to heartthrob, action star, and leading man, Rebecca Ferguson steals every scene she’s in, and Austin Butler somehow makes being the embodiment of nepotistic evil so fucking sexy. This truly is Star Wars for grownups and is a masterclass in how to tell a worthwhile story with blockbuster money. This is one of those rare films I will be dragging people to see just so I can experience it again.

• Se7en
• Toy Story
• Ring
• M3GAN
• Sinners
• Heathers
• Presence
• Thunderbolts*
• Companion
• Bring Her Back

...plus 50 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

• Sinners
• Presence
• Thunderbolts*
• Companion
• Bring Her Back
• Björk: Cornucopia
• Clown in a Cornfield
• Heart Eyes
• The Ugly Stepsister
• Final Destination Bloodlines

...plus 8 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Keeping track of all movies I’ve watched this year

1. Dune: Part Two
2. Scream

   “They’re all the same. Some stupid killer’s stalking some big-breasted girl who can’t act who’s always running up the stairs when she should be going out the front door…it’s insulting.”
   

3. I Know What You Did Last Summer
4. Halloween H20: 20 Years Later
5. Alien
6. Everything Everywhere All at Once
7. Donnie Darko
8. Resurrection
9. Oddity
10. The Substance

...plus 187 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

My official ranking of 2024 releases

• Dune: Part Two
• Oddity
• The Fall Guy
• Deadpool & Wolverine
• The Substance
• Wicked
• Godzilla × Kong: The New Empire
• Longlegs
• Smile 2
• In a Violent Nature

...plus 50 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Scream reinvented the slasher genre while paying loving tribute to the franchises it deconstructed and poked fun at. But there is only one proper way they can be ranked…and that’s this

• Scream

  This is the movie that single-handedly brought the horror genre back from the depths of the direct to video hell it had fallen into and put it back on top. It birthed a generation of stars, introduced a new Scream Queen, and led the way for over two decades to steer the course of the genre. The writing is whip-smart and frustratingly clever. A deconstructionist film that gives us a nail-biting whodunit which features an opening scene that has YET to be topped all these years later. It lovingly skewers and worshipfully homages  the horror genre It also entered the cultural zeitgeist and gave us our greatest tagline, “What’s your favorite scary movie?”

• Scream 2

  This is a perfect follow up to the original classic. The original core-four head to college, Gale Weathers is an infotainment phenomenon, and there a few people who have an axe to grind after the conclusion of the last film. It’s bigger, bloodier, and a Sidney who is trying to move on with her life is forced to fight for it and all of her friends once again. The chase scenes are tense, the cop car scene remains an all time perfect suspense set piece and the reveal is the most shocking of the entire franchise. Considering how this is a perfect example of a sequel done right, it makes sense that Buick and Vanderbilt plagiarized it for their sequel installment.

• Scream 4

  When this one came out I declared it as equal to 2. My feelings have changed a bit in the ensuing decade which has caused me to move it down just a little. The movie suffered a creative upheaval during filming which, once again, left the film without our daddy Williamson and S3-scribe Kruger stepped in. So there are quite a few moments where the movie feels disted and the flow suffers a bit. However, its prescient prediction of the rise of influencer culture and trauma porn as well as a house-burner of a performance from Roberts truly sets this one apart from a majority of the other entries. Not to forget this is the first film we actually see Sidney running DIRECTLY into harm’s way to face down Ghostface and finally put this legacy of bloodshed to rest. Despite all of its strengths it is the first in the series to fail to perform at the box office and it would lay dormant for 11 years until…

• Scream

  This whole movie feels like a great homecoming. The original trio all here in ing, but lynchpin roles to help the new generation of targeted teens navigate and hopefully survive the bloodbath . Using the “requel” formula (I guess “legacy sequel” hadn’t been coined when this was written) we get to see an interesting, clever path forward for the long-running franchise despite 11 years of silence. Ortega cements herself as a bonafide Scream Queen and completely upstages forced-lead Melissa Barrera. One of my biggest gripes with this one (aside from Melissa’s truly terrible performance) is that the movie often feels cheap (full disclosure, the budget was lower for this installment) but it’s glaring in the final scene when the camera pull back to mimic the end of the original film and the house is a million times smaller and it’s an obvious soundstage green screen. Also, a character catches fire and you can clearly see the flame retardant hood and gloves on them.

• Scream 3

  Originally my longest running last horse in this franchise due to a sloppy story and self-parodying, comedic tone (due to loss of creator Kevin Williamson). However it has grown on me over the years. An iconic performance from Parker Posey (she delivers some iconic, quotable lines) and a ridiculously strong third act with a truly hopeful end to the trauma for Sidney.

• Scream VI

  Lots of issues that land this one at the bottom, namely a crippling reliance on the Scream 2 script. This one truly crosses the line from homage to wholesale theft. There are good set pieces here though. Namely: the complete subversion of expectation of the opening scene and the shrine. We see the return of two legacy characters, Jew-hating Melissa Barrera turns in a helluva performance that redeems her lifeless debut in 2022’s entry, Jenna Ortega proves to be the lifeblood of the new saga, and the “Core Four” are, overall, likable.