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Like Newgrounds but awesome

Cosmo thinks it’s all fun and games

Stealing some of these moves

Food ❤️

lowkey sick of everyone (really just the pretentious youtube critics) saying marvel is dead not because they’re wrong but because it’s such a tired, uninspired low hanging fruit. hopefully this shuts them up because i liked this quite a bit

This review may contain spoilers.

deserves it after eating that live octopus like that bro learn some table manners you freak

i kinda agree with all my liked reviews but not quite as prentitious if any of my plentiful dedicated fans want to know my thoughts. i’m glad everyone else is loving it the way they are tho.

for the rest of time, nothing will ever look as cool as mustafar does

lowkey cool that a domestic abuse movie not only has awesome women to save the day but also a side character man to show how men should actually act. like a nice balance to show that everyone can be the change. saw a review say this movie knew what it was and stuck to it which i agree with and respect✊🏻✊🏻✊🏻✊🏻✊🏻💯💯💯🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

bayne and i tried to see sinners but it was packed and also i was in concert black coming from a concert in case you’re wondering

saw this at a screening with the cast jon heder, efren ramirez, and jon gries. greatest moment of all time

crazy that a movie so much about nothing can be so deliberate and meticulous. notice something new every time

nevermind this is absolute cinema i take back everything i said before

real talk tho, “my dad said math has been debunked” is hysterical

i’m fine with putting the writing and characters and conflict aside even if it’s bad since sure it’s a videogame movie. but like this flops as a fun fan service movie too. introducing completely new villains as the main source of conflict pulls me out of the immersion and makes me wonder why even make this a minecraft movie if they can just make up whatever they want. the reason why other videogame movies like the mario movie work is because you feel like you’re playing the game you have loved all your life while watching. the same goals apply: defeat bowser, save peach. so when this minecraft movie goes in an opposite direction of the game, it pulls me out of the experience altogether. never have i ever spent so much time fighting a pigling queen and general chungus for some orb or whatever. this movie could’ve been so awesome if it followed the regular plot of the game with the ender dragon being the perfect climax after conquering the gauntlet of the nether fortress, elder guardian, enchanting, finding the portal, etc. i would’ve especially loved a short montage going through all the biomes. i mean sure you can say it doesn’t really matter because the piglins are in the game and who cares if they take a different direction since it’s a different form of media. but like i grew up on minecraft and the game has such a diverse palette of creativity, peace, wonder, exploration, and even fear that the movie didn’t bother even looking at. immediately getting thrown into conflict with a made-up villain while staying in maybe three biomes just isn’t the minecraft experience. i’m just picturing a movie that - has a character fearing for their life in solitude on their first night as a zombie es by their dirt hut; or the creepy noises they hear going into a cave for the first time; or taking their time to explore the world and take pride in their home base; the excitement and anticipation building from finding the end portal after all that hard work; or seeing the progression from stone tools to netherite - and i’m disappointed that it wasn’t the movie i saw. 

and also there could’ve been a great theme about the importance of creativity and self expression in your life - especially during a time where seemingly the only objective is to get rich because that’s the only way to live a good life and actually matter. and i bring it up because the movie touched on it a little with the setup of the boy in school and a few jack black quotes but it completely dropped the ball. there was no ounce of creative problem solving in any of the main plot or character development. think about how many times you or youtubers you have seen defeat enemies in a clever, non conventional way. they couldn’t think of anything besides a cheap main-character-coming-back-after-you-thought-he-died trope?

i will say, “careful! paper doesn’t grow on trees!” is really hilarious to me and i might be the only one that finds it funny. but also this movie is very oddly napoleon dynamite coded. im not sure if jared hess is trying to do more fan service but it was strange for me to see a movie in idaho with an uncle-like figure reminiscing on what he used to be that picks up a kid from school in a sweet ride and a very similar looking house and tots and a karate class with a bunch of people sitting crisscross on the floor - even though thats my favorite movie of all time. 

is it sad that im up at 1:45 am on a weeknight writing a long review on minecraft? am i that pretentious because the last movie i watched was inland empire and i liked that movie but not this? maybe it would be funny if i delete all my other long reviews and only have a serious review on a minecraft movie

brooo what

jenna ortega as an angsty teenage daughter and will poulter as an insufferable side villain!!! never gets old!!!!!

absolute cinema

cool movie, too bad they’re british

“I ❤️ MULCH”

both the best and the worst thing i’ve ever seen

shot of toni collette looking distraught never fails

dudee i loooove throwing ping pong balls in pools when i’m upset too!!😫

i miss spanky so much

for my money, using the f-word 479 times turns intense moments into annoying ones - not just profanity but any word that many times can be mind numbing but oh well who cares what i think

phenomenastic ending tho

could you imagine being there bro gee whiz

absolute cinema

good job adam sandler

next time i say i want to watch la la land and eternal sunshine back to back alone during valentine’s day, don’t let me

first time we see sebastian he is flipping through what we believe are recordings of his own playing in a frustrated manner, almost like he is second guessing everything he ever worked for and can only think about how he will never be able to obtain the outrageously high standards he set for himself. 

been there before bro!!!!!👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃🥲🥲😫😖

dang they really did have it hard without instagram 😢

good excuse to just watch some basketball

yeah i’m probably gonna have to watch this one again

and again

and again after that

this is literally just Dune but also There Will Be Blood. 

was so proud of myself for understanding my first david lynch…then suddenly i didn’t. thank goodness for youtube explanations

[revised january 31, 2025]

yeah sure this is a neat story about a technology taking over blah blah blah, but i think the real depth happens when you think that theodore never fell in love with his os. he was only trying to put bandaids on the scars that his divorce left him with. so many times media can portray heartbreak as a revenge story or cheesy get back together or whatever but i think this has a nice realistic layer to it. from personal experience and friends’ anecdotes, there are a lot of mistakes that we make in relationships and in trying to get in relationships. while a lot of actions should not be encouraged or even excusable, sometimes we have to give ourselves grace because desperation is a heavy thing. this movie plays with the idea of “yeah, i messed up, but oh well, it’s life and im human” so well in my opinion. sure it’s inappropriate for him to go on that date with the only intention of intimacy and for him to fall in love with the os but can we totally blame him after he’s been heartbroken and disconnected for so long? i hope it doesn’t seem like im defending him or saying i relate specifically to his actions. it’s just a nice hyperbole to show how desperation can really control a person. 


it’s also cool to view this as a satire. bro has the nicest apartment ever and such an awesome job but still can’t find happiness without being in a relationship. yet, the relationship he gets into that fills this void isn’t even a real one. it’s like jonze is making fun of the audience for thinking that love will solve all their problems. maybe he’s also poking fun at other stories when their characters can’t live happily ever after until they found love. 

also chris pratt lololol

was gonna say something but i forgot 🤣

“Our battle, our struggle, is to create art. Our weapon is the moving picture. Because we have the moving picture, our paintings will grow and recede; our poetry will be shadows that lengthen and conceal; our light will play across living faces that laugh and agonize; and our music will linger and finally overwhelm, because it will have a context as certain as the grave. We are scientists engaged in the creation of memory... but our memory will neither blur nor fade.”

is art art because it’s famous? does an artists become more of an artist once they get a smash hit and loads of wealth and followers?

my brother, create because your soul desires to do so. no amount of notoriety will measure to the power of finding your identity and showing the world exactly what you have to say. 

*note to myself*

i promise you we don’t talk about elvis that much 😭

when’s the covid monster coming out

This review may contain spoilers.

[revised january 31, 2025]

this movie hasn’t really left my brain since i watched it so i wanted to revisit my thoughts. while it can be a bit tedious at times, the ending is so incredibly gut punching that makes it all worth it. it’s a great slice of life that feels like you are right in the middle of postwar rome (i guess, i wasn’t really there). still, my favorite way to think about it is the way it handles the heavily-discussed subject of “why do bad things happen to good people?” when the sweetest family desperate for any gleam of hope gets taken advantage of, nothing from friends to law enforcement to the church can help. yet, when the father goes to the last resort of playing the system and stealing someone else’s bike, he still can’t win. after all that pacing back and forth and the obvious violation of his conscious, all he is left with is ridicule and a son who just lost his hero. not only do bad things happen to good people, but why do good things happen to bad people? what an incredibly hopeless and grounded movie.

monumental for the reputation of witches

this is a horror movie

alright where can i get this hat

alright that’s enough christmas movies for this year

what an excellent comedic performance by chevy

crying

still perfect

This review may contain spoilers.

nothing says christmas like watching a pack of dogs ravage a turkey at double speed

oh so that’s who’s flicking the lights

my man is NOT playing the piano 😭

this is a christmas movie

• Thunderbolts*
• Sinners
• Black Bag
• Drop
• Mickey 17
• Death of a Unicorn
• A Minecraft Movie

1. Back to the Future
2. Napoleon Dynamite
3. Everything Everywhere All at Once
4. The Thing
5. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
6. The Empire Strikes Back
7. The Dark Knight
8. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
9. It's a Wonderful Life
10. Star Wars

...plus 75 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

DO NOT BUY THESE AGAIN

• Everything Everywhere All at Once
• Breathless
• The French Connection
• Airplane!
• GoodFellas
• The Truman Show
• Monty Python and the Holy Grail
• Spaceballs
• The Thing
• Puss in Boots: The Last Wish

...plus 2 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

• The Substance
• The Wild Robot
• Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga
• Wallace & Gromit: Vengeance Most Fowl
• Flow
• Dune: Part Two
• Nosferatu
• I Saw the TV Glow
• Alien: Romulus
• Anora

...plus 6 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

these movies are literally just the shining

• The Shining
• The Holdovers
• Parasite
• The Grand Budapest Hotel
• Anatomy of a Fall
• The Lighthouse
• The Substance

• Aliens
• Alien: Romulus
• Alien
• Alien Resurrection
• Prometheus
• Alien: Covenant
• Alien³

• Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
• The Silence of the Lambs
• There Will Be Blood
• Memories of Murder
• Alien

• Blade Runner
• Halloween
• The Terminator
• Terminator 2: Judgment Day
• The Boy and the Heron
• Ghostbusters
• The Texas Chain Saw Massacre
• Memento
• Reservoir Dogs

• Ed Wood
• Beetlejuice
• Beetlejuice Beetlejuice

• Rope
• Rear Window
• Psycho
• Vertigo

these are usually movies that have gone up from four or so stars to five stars after much pondering

• American Psycho
• The Fly
• Ed Wood

still have yet to see “poor things,” “saltburn,” “the killer,” “maestro,” and “killers of the flower moon.”

• Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse
• The Holdovers
• Anatomy of a Fall
• The Zone of Interest
• Oppenheimer
• Godzilla Minus One
• Past Lives
• Barbie
• Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
• Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem

...plus 4 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

• Fantastic Mr. Fox
• The Royal Tenenbaums
• Isle of Dogs

• Fight Club
• Se7en
• Alien³

• Pulp Fiction
• Django Unchained
• Kill Bill: Vol. 2
• Kill Bill: Vol. 1
• Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood

these movies are literally just the lord of the rings.

• The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
• The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
• The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
• Puss in Boots: The Last Wish
• Raising Arizona

movies that have something to do with a box, similar to the famous line from Se7en, “what’s in the box??”

• Se7en
• Princess Mononoke
• Dune
• A Christmas Story