4v291o

it’s not as bad as some of my mutuals said it was but:

“the world needs you” oh brotherrrrrr! please, tom cruise, retire! rest! let someone else—someone younger—be the new face of the franchise if (and they will! trust! capitalism will always win) continue making more. if i have to beg on my knees, i will

the woman next to me was gagging the entire time & even sobbed at the end but i am very familiar with ethan’s game & this entire franchise. i walked in knowing ethan was going to succeed no matter what all while hiking up my blood pressure & stressing me out in the process 

kinda need greg tarzan davis to: 1) be in everything from here on out and 2) call me

i’m always going to sit UP & grin every time mother angela graces a screen. thank god the ethan & grace love storyline was not ran with! what really bugs me is: killing off luther???? are we fr??? 

got nanook of the north film school war flashbacks from the entire arctic sequence. speaking of, tapeesa best character ever

This review may contain spoilers.

jack o’connell saying SAMMIEEEEEEE! ugh, it just gets me

i wasn’t really paying attention & i don’t think i regret that as the plot is very 😐 especially now considering how much ai has grown since this was in theaters but but um…. you know… still fun! and still stressful especially the escaping the train bit at the end

tom cruise’s stunts, the fight sequences, & the visual effects still get a “wow!” out of me, simon pegg still gets a slight chuckle out of me, the animation after you click “done” in a review is still a delightful, and it’s still rip isla faust

stellar, phenomenal performance from kaitlyn dever! her australian accent is mindblowingly believable for an american

aisha dee, my sisterrrrr, i’ve loved you since the bold type!

crazy how these get worse as the series goes on. 

however, the ending & montage of all the deaths before the end credits ate. i love me an easter egg! — idk how sam didn’t immediately clock that the date on his plane ticket was off by 11 years???

how and why does a man working at the department of TREASURY have & carry a gun??????

i still don’t know whether i liked brad pitt’s performance as an ambiguously queer himbo or thought it was so bad & stereotypical that it was comical

white boy wasted channing tatum: the sequel

for two brits, adam driver & daniel craig’s american southern accents were impeccable

saoirse ronan (+ her filmography) is so goated

angelina jolie: the most face card to ever face card.

her blonde bob was a paid actor. need me an enemies to lovers arc like lanie & pete real baddddd

between this, little black book (2004), i could never be your woman (2007)—and arguably, also, to die for—what was in the air in the early 2000s that made everyone make movies about the pulling the curtain behind of primetime network scripted / syndicated television?

michael scofield top 5 best fictional characters ever created! i need a soulmate ride or die friendship like sucre & michael!!

i love how wentworth miller & dominic purcell became best friends from this and still are then reunited as heatwave & captain cold in the arrowverse

and now onto the 9 episode 2017 limited series reboot! wish me luck! if these past 4 seasons taught me one thing, it’s that i will want to pull my hair out every second

i had a fucking BALL!

did i kinda predict the ending before we got there? yes but nonetheless, a great time! an emotional rollercoaster! real drama! 

(-) points for nonsensically killing off michaela cole (unless she was just too busy to reprise her role then fine i get it) but (+) points for bilal hasna!!

cristin milioti, bilal hasna, and billy magnussen, i love you! + y’all all so damn fine

the pacing & script is kinda shite? it felt very very rushed? 14 hours of knowing someone & you’re already in love???? a woman proposing to a man???? be so fucking fr! i wonder if the “90min perfect movie length” thing is to blame?

nonetheless, mason gooding’s fine sexy ass as a new generation horror movie star? i’m here for it! more of that please! his chemistry w/ olivia holt is great too they ate that one lil thing 

and to think, i wanted to see this in theaters so bad??? glad i dodged that bullet

[review coming on the 16th when the embargo is lifted]

it’s still mind boggling that this entire movie is just over the course of ONE night

the way the jump scares still got me this 2nd time around….. that’s #real cinema!

logging this even tho i was too busy cooking for my friends that came over & cleaning after said cooking to pay attention. they loved it tho & were gagged at the ending so i’ll take that as a win!

marisa abela, i love you!!!! clarissa filled the yasmin kara-hanani industry shaped hole in my heart until season 4 comes out

i know we said 90 mins is the perfect movie length but some movies could’ve benefited from a longer runtime such as this

This review may contain spoilers.

i get it’s named after the song but surely, there was a way better title somewhere! nonetheless, michelle pfieffer, saoirse ronan, AND paul rudd?? with rightful digs at george bush and mich*el j*ckson?? this was made for me no muni long

…….excluding the homophobia, misogynistic digs at britney, lindsay lohan & the other early 2000s socialite it girls, and the unfunny dig and victim blaming of soon yi for what #that men did to her, of course

kinda need michelle & saoirse to reunite & reminisce over this expeditiously if they haven’t already

naomi ackie, i love youuuuu!!!

eva coming out right after for a q&a having just seen her as agnes for an hour & 43 mins…… #surreal

get bob (+ yelena) a therapist asap!

i had fun & not bad & i’m not mad at it. most def one of the more better things marvel has done in this post-endgame time (see: the shite captain america 4, the falcon & winter soldier, & she-hulk) and i’m open to going to see it again

florence pugh (& yelena) is my sister i’ll tune into any and every thing she’s in. sebastian stan & david harbour still so very fine as hell — the latter’s comedic timing >>>>

however comma, ik i’m beating a dead horse here but that paper bag in marvel’s paper bag test is worn out and tired!

where are the women??? the nonwhite people??? the not-just-queer-coded-but-actually-queer people???? if they’re going to run with this “new avengers” thing, why not improve on & take heed of the criticisms from the previous avengers?? speaking of: why does john walker out of all the new disney+ spinoff show side characters get such a bigger role in the universe when he’s literally indubitably racist???? 

to the marketing team: why parade taskmaster around on the posters & press tour when she very unfortunately bites the bullet not even 5 mins into her already limited screentime???? like y’all just lied. are you happy with yourselves?

nonetheless, big up to the wheaties box posters bit especially when it’s directly mentioned & referenced about twice in the movie itself

me watching this isn’t very “read the room” of me and i know that and i acknowledge that but this was so cute

maybe i need to go to the same place because those men??? unfairly dangerously fine as hell

i love me a girl who won’t let no bullshit slide! had them adults gagged 🤭

rip michelle trachtenberg 💔 for a literal child, there was so much range!

janie epitomizes #blackwomeninstem cmon representation! and the blue painted slap on marion’s face? yeahhh, harriet! get your lick back! 

what was the budget? because for a kids’ nickelodeon original movie, what a stacked cast??? thee eartha kitt, geri from succession, & rosie o’donnell???

men will do all of this without taking responsibility for their actions whatsoever then act surprised & dense when you do not accept their marriage proposal

girl, just turn off your airdrop????? like what

absolutely hated that jumpsuit on her but nonetheless, the third act is really where it’s at

wikipedia hit it right on the head with "criticisms were reserved over a narrative lack of focus, exposition, and character development"

alexa, play ‘chosen family’ by rina sawayama 

*in jennifer coolidge legally blonde 2 voice* it makes me want a baby (even more than i already do) real baddddd

i couldn’t help but be reminded of stephanie hsu in eeaao, joy ride, & laid with kelly marie tran’s performance & character

i’m pretty sure i fell asleep during the last act no shade to the cast & crew but shade 

i swear willem dafoe don’t ever turn down a check, ikdmfr! when the baby ochi wasn’t howling like a fucking banshee or biting yuri, it was adorable.

alfred enoch beating the unemployed allegations! everybody give it up for alfred enoch!

evie may be violently delulu but ngl, she’s kinda real i too would lose all sense and gumption after a night with sam heughan

YOU GUYSSSSS!!!!!! ik we say this a lot but like REAL CINEMA IS SO FUCKING BACK!

first off, this is a theater mandatory movie! do not do yourself the injustice of waiting for it to come on hbo max! i just might drag a friend & go see this again idk

there’s so many layers to this. idek where to start. the intentionality & irony & metaphor of the big bad™️ being vampires  (the kind that needs to be invited in too! i clocked it being vampires before anyone else), the fucking SCORE!!!, the performances from the star studded cast, the shots!!, the louisana voodoo of it all, the fucking costume design!!!, the post credit scenes (more the 1st than the 2nd), the symbolism of music, the cotton picking slavery era period setting without it being black trauma porn…..

like i could go on and on and on! and you know what? i actually just might this time! full length review maybe otw?

wunmi mosaku, i love you!!!! you too, ryan coogler and jack o’connell! and hailee steinfeld

“i mean, you’re the fucking fbi!”

gag them, jamie bowen! wake it upppp! THEE federal bureau of investigation & it took them that long to not only investigate but actually do something about it then even longer to convict the 2 that were caught

tuned in for my man nicholas hoult left drooling over jude law with a ‘70s pornstache & matias lucas and angrier at white supremacy, this country, & the uselessness of these alleged law enforcement agencies but i digress

fun! and had me gagging at the sfx especially when sam used his wings to slice some shit but my thing is why didn’t anyone just call bruce banner????? one phone call and problem solved enemy neutralized

speaking of enemies neutralized, why just merely imprison the big bad™️??? it obviously didn’t work the first time so why would it work now because he’s in the raft?? it’s like they want him to pull some shit like this again. 

congressman bucky barnes??? are we fucking fr? 😭😭😭 + we have to got to stop the shooting at supernaturally powered beings in fictional media!! it does absolutely nothing and always has! all it does is just make unnecessary noise. 

“captain america will return”? i pray that implies danny ramirez returning too he is way too fine—apart from sebastian stan, he is the sexiest man in this—not to be.

idk who started the “political conspiracy thriller” shit but let’s not do that. this is far from a thriller. it’s a fucking superhero movie! merely placing this in conversation with real political thrillers like enemy of the state, the bourne identity, blow out, & air force one is blasphemy!

black darkskin sapphics up +500000!

need issa to play a lesbian more often & need someone to book emma corrin for some old hollywood type thing she has the perfect face™️ for it

danielle vitalis is so beautiful! i need her back on my screen expeditiously!

awk*fina jump scare!

titling this “black beast” just might be the way worse (anti-black woman) micro aggression over the gaslighting 

siena kelly, i love you!!!! you ate in domino day & i’ve loved you since then. it’s a tragedy it got cancelled when there’s barely any more black witches.

late stage capitalism, you will (never, unfortunately, to everyone’s dismay) crumble!

capri in the distance, fall in love again and again, in a place that can make you change 
—charli xcx

bigger budget cuntier outfits on blake lively way more comedic than the first one. returning original cast (!!) who ever said sequels were shite? 

lowkey think this could benefit from / should’ve got a theatrical release instead of direct to prime video but i guess we can’t always get what we want

top 3 blake lively performances!

seeing the sequel tonight so obviously a refresher was needed big ups to them for (sensibly) getting the exact same cast back! 

nicky & miles are so adorable i’m actually going to cry i need them i need a baby!!!! another nephew or niece or something! fuck!

this is, by no means at all,  an erotic thriller so let’s cut the shit, yeah? let’s not compete where we can’t compare

i empathized with (& rooted for) diana up until she folded and got with john as if he wasn’t a fucking creep & a stalker the entire movie???? that really pissed me off so bad¹ and it still does! david deserves better!!! 

¹ she got me out here rooting for a (white) man… do we see the problem here?

like the chef said, how dare you go to japan, refuse to learn the language and expect everyone to speak english with you, then get frustrated when that is indeed not what happens?

christopher guest, i wasn't familiar with your game but now that i am, the rest of your filmography is in danger

it took me almost exactly 3 years (and 3 days) but alas, i’ve finally pressed play! lord knows how long this has been sitting in my hbo watchlist…..

jessica williams, i love you!!!! that dinner fight scene is #socool i was gagged! she did her big one! the sfx team did their big one!

for a 2 1/2 hour movie subtitled “the secrets of dumbledore,” there is not a single secret about albus that we do not know already & it is entirely about an election. warner bros., you a damn lie!

+ i’d argue this & the 2nd one should’ve switched subtitles

the last shot of marta sipping coffee (amusingly) from the “my house my rules” mug woke looking down at the thrombeys is #realcinema

Watched on Friday November 26, 2021.

i swear willem dafoe is in everything! i didn’t him being in this but nevertheless he don’t ever play about his bag ikdmfr

chappell roan in “casual,” “picture you,” and “kaleidoscope” &
ariana in “we can’t be friends,” “eternal sunshine (title track),” “past life,” and “twilight zone” but as a 95min movie

lacy oh lacy skin like puff pastry [...] dazzling starlet bardot reincarnate 

(unironically, “lacy” describes this perfectly)

should be subtitled “and the crash out of a mob scammer’s wife”

”9 times out of 10, it’s always the spouse.”

cute for what it is & leighton meester motherrrrrr (literally)

rip andrea you would’ve loved girl, interrupted & been a shoo in for susanna & lisa’s friend group

sandra bullock performance of a lifetime!

alan tudyk had me cryinggggg dominic west & viggo mortenson fine as hell gwen better than me i would’ve folded soon as we locked eyes

“i know you don’t really think a white girl came up with that shit?”

rip natina reed!! jenelope, lafred, & the rest of isis’s minions are everything to me! literally wouldn’t be the same without y’all!

This review may contain spoilers.

would’ve got 4 stars if not for a few nonsensical hypocritical scripted character actions in the last 15-20mins

am i supposed to have empathy for paul rudd’s character? a terrible fucking father, a pushover, greedy, and a pussy! he should’ve died too! idgaf!

the jenna ortega scream queen & final girl cinematic universe / agenda wins again! future oscar winner! watch this space!

this & mickey 17 🤝 the (rightful) “wild animals should be left alone!” agenda

bad & so unrealistic it’s unintentionally funny 😭

i that last scene to a T from my childhood. motherrrrr beyoncé!

• Anora
• Babygirl
• Queer
• Kill Your Darlings
• Saltburn
• The Talented Mr. Ripley
• Challengers

it’s always a bitch with a fuck ass bob

• Gone Girl
• I Care a Lot
• To Die For
• Sugar & Spice
• Dick
• Pretty Persuasion
• Scarface
• Burlesque
• Charlie's Angels
• Saved!

...plus 11 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

(ranking as i go) [2/7/24 edit: hasn’t been re-ranked in god knows how long]

1. Miss Juneteenth
2. Get Out
3. Charlie's Angels
4. Shiva Baby
5. Booksmart
6. Lady Bird
7. American Fiction
8. Selah and the Spades
9. Black Girl
10. Friday

...plus 60 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

note: the plan b girlie isn’t white but she’s still nonblack 🥱
cherry isn’t a teen but still a young white woman

• Juno
• Unpregnant
• Never Rarely Sometimes Always
• Fifteen and Pregnant
• Plan B
• Sugar & Spice
• Cherry

same movie but in different fonts (& ranked) + a quadruple feature, if you will, on a good day

• Joyful Noise
• Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit
• Praise This
• The Fighting Temptations

meta with a captial m

• Chronicle
• The Blair Witch Project
• The Exorcist
• The Fall Guy
• 8½
• Drop Dead Gorgeous
• MaXXXine
• Big Fat Liar
• Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood
• To Die For

...plus 11 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

(in no particular order)

• Jawbreaker
• Set It Off
• The Devil Wears Prada
• The Baby-Sitters Club
• Charlie's Angels
• I, Tonya
• My Girl
• Matilda
• Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn)
• Ready or Not

...plus 110 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

one of my favorite tropes / genres to ever exist — ranked 👨🏿‍💻

• The Queen's Gambit
• I, Tonya
• Whiplash
• Black Swan
• Sound of Metal
• Ice Princess
• Nocturne
• The Perfection
• 8½
• The American

ranking modern remakes of pygmalion / the ugly duckling trope that i’ve seen

1. Mean Girls
2. The Devil Wears Prada
3. Jawbreaker
4. The Princess Diaries
5. Clueless
6. Miss Congeniality
7. Wild Child
8. John Tucker Must Die
9. She's All That
10. Romy and Michele's High School Reunion

...plus 2 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

and they were sisters! (context for the visual learners)

• Saltburn
• Kill Your Darlings
• The Talented Mr. Ripley

—  amy winehouse (2006)

(true) love (over time)? the biggest logical fallacy ever created. [also, a working title]

• Normal People
• One Day
• We Live in Time
• Blue Valentine
• One Day

• Burlesque
• Showgirls
• The Last Showgirl

3 infinity stones down 2 more to go. jeremy allen white & stanley simons, call your agents now!

• Babygirl
• A Family Affair
• The Peacemaker

• House of Gucci
• Knives Out
• Ready or Not
• The Invitation
• Get Out
• Fresh
• The French Dispatch
• Pretty Persuasion
• Cruel Intentions
• The Menu

...plus 9 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

[still coming up with a clever title].

• The Crush
• Wild Things
• The Graduate
• Pretty Persuasion
• The Opposite of Sex

working title? — late 90s (w/ a hint of 80s) to early 2000s erotic thrillers

• Basic Instinct
• Fatal Attraction
• Eyes Wide Shut
• Bound
• The Curve
• Wild Things
• Killing Me Softly
• Wicked
• Mulholland Drive
• The Crush

...plus 3 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

RUN don’t walk to see these if you haven’t already

• Fight Club
• Heathers
• Set It Off
• Breakfast at Tiffany's
• Clueless
• Cinderella
• My Girl
• Matilda
• Mean Girls
• A Walk to

...plus 119 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

the mother leaves and daughter has to fend for herself cinematic universe

• Rocks
• Enola Holmes
• Thirteen
• White Bird in a Blizzard

• Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen
• Saltburn
• The Holdovers

• Blow Out
• Kimi
• Blow-Up

madison beer had the tea

• The Matrix
• The Matrix Reloaded
• The Matrix Resurrections
• The Matrix Revolutions